View Full Version : Help defend the world agaisnt the pirate scourge!

Mr. Kaga
November 18, 2003, 03:33 PM

My name is Mr. Kaga. I am a representative of a clan of ninjas, the Arashikage, who have sworn a sacred oath to defend the planet against pirates.

Despite fighting numerous global battles, we have found pirate activity increasing dramatically. We are saddened to report that a pirate insurgance has cropped up in the town of Chapel Hill, NC. If you please, read this information: http://www.dailytarheel.com/vnews/display.v/ART/2003/11/18/3fba1bbeeeb5a. They are so brazen, that they they have publically announced their presence in this sleepy hamlet. They must be countered.

Our forces are spread thin. We need aid in our aged-old battle against the pirates. I am told that you quick-witted humor men and women can help us save the world. Please visit our website and pardon its lack of information. We have had to act fast in order to stop the menace and must omit details at this time. http://nwbl.csbl.net/ninjas/

If you are interested in being selected as an elite ninja, sworn by honor and duty to fight the pirate scourge, please contact local Arashikage recruiter, Ross White.

Please stay tuned.

Do your best,
Mr. Kaga.

November 18, 2003, 03:49 PM
I trained in Bujinkhan for 2 years.

But I love Pirates.

I'm so torn :shock:

November 18, 2003, 04:32 PM
I lived the pirate life for four bloody years. Now I'm in retirement, but bring it on you ninja fools. I'll haul me some keel on your asses.

Jeff Sconce
November 18, 2003, 04:40 PM
Watashi no sempai Ross-sama wa anata no reikon o tabemasu!!!

November 18, 2003, 06:27 PM

well.... I coach a longform team named Ninja in chicago


Ross White
November 18, 2003, 11:10 PM
Mr. Kaga approached me to subvert the pirate menace. You can see how I spend my time at http://www.realultimatepower.net/

November 19, 2003, 02:01 AM
I like pirates, but they do some wrong things, I'll admit. Being a Ninja would be most awesome!

Zack Bly
November 19, 2003, 09:03 AM
yarr no quarter!

to the ninjas at least.

Kit's Alter Ego
November 19, 2003, 03:08 PM
Pirates must bow before ninja-wrath, it is true.
However, even ninjas cannot withstand the might of
We always get our man.
(Or woman, in case that was in doubt.)


PS: Two-front wars are the shiznit.

PPS: Ninjas, pirates, ninjas, pirates...
...for some reason, I keep hearing "Three Little Maids From School" run through my head.

November 19, 2003, 11:00 PM
im so down with being a ninja. the royal canadian mounted police do not always get their man/woman. after all, they still havent caught me!

why do you think i moved to america?

Kit's Alter Ego
November 20, 2003, 08:12 AM
That's exactly right, Katy. The Royal Canadian Mounted Police are worthless sods. However, we here in "America" prefer democracy to monarchy, so I am proud to be a part of the Canadian Mounted Police who don't have to give throwbacks to anybody with bad teeth and big ears.


PS: It's okay to be elitist if you're an elite squad to begin with.

PPS: Next time I see you, I'll get you. :twisted:
Familyguyv("Dun dun dundundun duuuuuuun!");

Ross White
November 20, 2003, 10:06 AM
Mr. Mike Bamford has taken over as the DSI ninja recruiter. So, seriously, if you want to be a kickass ninja, Mike is the man to talk to.

Kit's Alter Ego
November 20, 2003, 10:14 AM
And this Saturday, I will be wearing my Canadian Mounted Police recruiting hat to Inside Improv.

Any and all who are interested in signing up to aid the cause of kick-ass right will be welcomed.


PS: Pirate/ninja double agents and infiltrators need not apply. Only honestly reformed ex-members of these groups should consider joining.

PPS: This is as much for your protection as for anyone else's.

Mr. Kaga
November 20, 2003, 12:31 PM
It is worse than I feared. They are growing stronger.

I will work extra quick double time to gather strength for battle.


Jeff Sconce
November 20, 2003, 12:56 PM
I understand Mr. Bly has had a rendezvous with the pirates. Care to elaborate on that, Mr. Bly (coughgaijincough)?

November 20, 2003, 01:05 PM
Yarrr....looks good...

I mean. Ummm....*whoosh*

November 20, 2003, 01:27 PM
Avast ye, bitch.

November 20, 2003, 01:34 PM
I think I wanna be a fireman. Or an astronaut.

L'il G
November 20, 2003, 03:00 PM

Kit's Alter Ego
November 20, 2003, 03:00 PM
I think I wanna be a fireman. Or an astronaut.

Neither ninjas nor pirates have what it takes to become either. However, the Canadian Mounted Police prepare you for both!

Responsibility! Loyalty! Ability to cope with stress! All three are trademarks of trained ninjas, pirates and Canadian Mounted Police, certainly, but what about these?:

Rescuing Kittens!
Not Killing Innocent Bystanders!
Dedication Without Bordering On Obsession!
The Ability To Be Seen In Public Without Angry Mobs Chasing After You!

All important life skills! And ninja/pirate academies both only offer them as non-credit electives!

The next time someone asks you what you want to be when you grow up, and you consider the choices of 1) ninja, 2) pirate, and 3) a member of the Canadian Mounted Police, remember that the first two are infinitely more likely to get you laughed at.


PS: Oh, and members of the Canadian Mounted Police also have longer average lifespans. Go figure.

November 20, 2003, 04:22 PM
I think your all crazy! I mean your just...so...so...crazy! Ninjas are taking over and all you can think about is Canadian Bacon! What's wrong with you people!! I want to kill someone!!


Whew, now thats better!

Kit's Alter Ego
November 20, 2003, 04:47 PM
Damn! The Evil Psychics have escaped again!

This looks like a job for:
The Canadian Mounted Police!

Two arms! Two arms!


PS: The next time I see you, I'll get you and Katy Jack too.

PPS: Ninjas and pirates and psychics, oh my!

Zack Bly
November 20, 2003, 07:23 PM
what need have i for explainin' myself? the time be ripe for choosin' sides, and i choose the side with the cutlasses and dubloons. to those who criticize my choice: step off or face me blade.

although, were it a peaceable time where we needn't be fightin, i'd choose to be a wizard and listen to uriah heep all day.

maybe a pirate wizard i'll be. i'll cast a hex on your katanas to make them cut your own heads off if you're not careful, so you'd best watch yourself.

November 20, 2003, 09:48 PM
One thing the ninja's have is improvisational zen...

I say we just ask the Pirate's a bunch of koans (questions like: What is the sound of one hand clapping) and in a big cloud of smoke we remove their scabbards and pantaloons.

Give me a date, a time, and a sword that lights up blue when pirates are near...and I will fight your battle...for a price...

And if Mike falls in battle, I will perform Harakiri with bamboo blades...


"In war, you never fight individually..." Seven Samurai

November 21, 2003, 07:35 PM
I, too, have met with the pirates, Jeff. And Zack and I read their code of ethics.

Jeff Sconce
November 22, 2003, 01:48 AM
*gasp*! Cece!
You're in cahoots with One-Eyed Zack! The most fearsome pit pirate on the 3 steps!

November 22, 2003, 11:21 AM
Jeff, explain to me why you're not a pirate. You're a better pirate than a ninja, in that you don't always shave every day, you wear flashy accoutremonts and have a peg-leg. Pirates are all about win win win, happy happy happy while ninjas know that every path leads them to seppuku, or wandering around like David Carradine. Who get the 401K at the end of it all? Pirates. Who gets to drink grog and sing songs about mermaids and rape? Pirates. Who gets to wear hoop earrings? Gypsies, but we're not talking about them. Pirates, Fool!

And what do ninjas get? Footy-socks and not being allowed to use guns. What kind of life is that?

aka Salty Ron

April 1, 2005, 12:39 PM
Looks like you dumbfuck ninjas need to work HARDER.


Ben Birken
April 1, 2005, 01:38 PM
From the WRAL.com article:

"Voting for someone who wants to rid the campus of scurvy dogs is not really an effective way of having student government," sophomore Christopher Sanchez said.

I was going to write some sort of jokey-thing to accompany the quote, but after reading it over and over again I think it's safe to say that it's by far the most hilarious thing ever said in the history of the universe. The layers upon layers of hidden meaning and irony are enough for a doctoral dissertation in just about any subject.

April 1, 2005, 05:40 PM
During the Student Body President debate on WKNC:

Ye be full of more hot air than a beached whale

- The Pirate Captain, after a round of bickering among the other three candidates.[/quote]


April 7, 2005, 05:04 PM
Voter turnout for this year's NC State student body elections was 26.5%. The previous record was 21%.

This large jump in participation can almost certainly be attributed to The Pirate Captain, who received 44% of the popular vote. Due to a majority clause for NC State elections, however, there will be a runoff with the second-place candidate, Will (McFratty) Quick, who received 20.5% of the vote.


April 9, 2005, 07:57 PM
Hey now, I'm a pirate. And let me tell ye. Never cross a pirate, or ye might find yer booty been plundered upon returning home some day matey.

April 9, 2005, 08:13 PM
Word on the street is that The Pirate Captain got a call from Jon Stewart on Friday...no word on the street about in what capacity TPC might appear on the Daily Show.