PDA

View Full Version : Inside Golden Moments: 11-15-03


Kit's Alter Ego
November 16, 2003, 03:44 PM
GOLDEN MOMENTS: INSIDE IMPROV
NOVEMBER 15th, 2003
Host: Joe Pugliese
Groups Performing:
:arrow: Mister Diplomat
:arrow: Sweet Ass Dolphins


From Joe Pugliese:

Joe Pugliese: I've noticed lately that I'm getting older. Especially my last birthday, when I turned 19...


From Mister Diplomat:

(guys on an island discussing their newfound survival skills:)
Corey Brown: I've learned how to boil the water away and be left with salt.
Greg Brainos: I've learned how to procreate!
Scott Jennings: I've learned how...to learn.

Corey Brown, nervous fiance-to-be: So I'm proposing with conch shells? With no permit?! I could've done this by e-mail and been legalized!
Scott Jennings, proposal-planner: But then there wouldn't be a story!

Greg Brainos: This is the same cigar my grandaddy had on his desk! He never smoked it! I'm smoking it though. That makes me one step up on old grandaddy!

Porter Mason, wife of quadriplegic: So, do you...feel like getting...frisky tonight?
Scott Jennings, quadriplegic: Well, I don't know...do you really want to set up all those trusses and pulleys?
Porter Mason: What else did we buy them for? Why. Else. did we buy those trusses and pulleys, you know?

Corey Brown: My dad kicked me when I was a baby. But I don't remember it.

Corey Brown: Decisions...do we push the baby down the stairs...or do we eat?

Ross White: Well, far be it from me to question the President of the United States; FUCK NATO.

Scott Jennings, Frenchman: He said what?
Ross White: He said he wants the bomb with the mouth with the teeth.
Scott Jennings: No! We went through so much trouble getting the picture of the ballerina! We auditioned so many ballerinas for [the picture on] the front of that bomb! Do they think that was just a generic ballerina?
Ross White: They said, 'FUCK NATO'!
(Porter Mason enters delicately on tiptoes, on verge of tears)
Porter Mason, select ballerina: I...I just heard! (dashes off, sobbing)

Porter Mason, irate wife of a quadriplegic: You wouldn't dare. You wouldn't dare. You wouldn't because you wouldn't be able to look at yourself in the mirror. that drops down. when you press the button. with your nose!

Ross White: Who brings a knife to a divorce? I mean, I don't!


From Sweet Ass Dolphins:

Miles Masci: 'Cacti' is your suggestion. Dolphins, are you ready?
Rest of Sweet Ass Dolphins: Aeeaeeae-eaeenee-aeeae-n-naeegh!

Joe Pugliese, as a tantric sex consultant, in Expert Panel: I would slowly rub his chiispus then move down to his dongaladongaladongdongalaaaa...aaaah...aa.
Thomas Whittington, Panel Host: Sir, I didn't ask you a question; why are you talking to me?

Justin Drogos: I'll tell you what's inappropriate: how she served me the divorce papers: the kids.

Joe Pugliese: Will you have a Cosmopolitan? Or a...SexOnTheBeach?
Maddy Curley: Sure, I'll have a Sex On The Beach.
Joe Pugliese, handing her one: They...come in cans now.

Joe Pugliese: Tell me if this is weird for you. It shouldn't be as long as you sign this.
Thomas Whittington, Joe's thoughts: And as long as you don't scream like the last time.
Maddy Curley: No, it's not weird for me.
Miles Masci, Maddy's thoughts: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!


--Kit

PS: An amazing amount of Golden Moments this show were impossible to commit to paper (or forum), as they were either 1) running gags made funny by repetition, 2) silent scenes, or 3) heavily-visual gags. An example of the last would be Joe Pugliese taking off his shirt during Blind Dubbing, pulling up his wifebeater and pointing at his chest repeatedly while his dubber, Thomas Whittington--not seeing him--continued saying, "The juice dripping down...the juice...the juice dripping...dripping down..." et cetera, et cetera.

PPS: Oh, and then there was the disturbingly funny moment when CeCe Garcia, during Expert Panel, was an ex-wife of another panelist and was so broken up by his cruel jabs that it came time for her to answer and she sniffed pathetically, looked lost for a moment, then said meekly, "Um. Could you repeat the question?" And there was this silence while the host, Thomas Whittington, gaped at her, and then she turned to the audience and said, "Really. Could someone...repeat the question...?" And Thomas looked at the audience and said gently, "Let's go to commercial."

PPPS: And my signature this week cements Scott Jenning's place as winner and still champion of the number-of-times-quoted-in-Kit's-signature circuit. If he's not beaten out soon, I might have to have a title belt made for him.
________________
Scott Jennings, devoted husband: Sharon, I don't know if I say this enough...it being the first time, I guess the answer is no...

Lisa P
November 16, 2003, 10:23 PM
Kit, I don't know if we say this enough...it being the first time, I guess the answer is no...

Thank you so much for posting the highlights of the DSI shows. We really do appreciate it.

EthanK
November 16, 2003, 11:25 PM
Yeah, nice work, as you often do, Kit.

PT
November 17, 2003, 04:37 PM
Kit I apperciate all the things you do. Especially when I'm sick and you make me soup, or just come over and we snuggle....... :shock: I mean, um when I'm sick and you, hey gotta go!

Jeff Sconce
November 17, 2003, 08:30 PM
I never really though of it before, but what Kit does is pretty important. He captures the bright moments of our lives like fireflies in a jar...actually, that's a bad analogy, because the fireflies would die in the jar. What Kit does is the opposite. So he's like a firefly necromancer.