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Kit's Alter Ego
November 9, 2003, 01:49 AM
GOLDEN MOMENTS: INSIDE IMPROV
NOVEMBER 8th, 2003
Host: Greg Brainos (5th time)
Groups Performing:
:arrow: DSI Improv 303 Short-Form Class (Instructor: Corey Brown)
:arrow: Mister Diplomat (Special Appearance: Zach Ward)


From Greg Brainos:

Lil G: Also, if you're hoping for a good show tonight, I've got good news: I just saved a ton of money on my car insurance. Hahaha! That Greg is so funny...AND HERE'S MY SEGUE!


From DSI-303S:

Eric Drowatzky, Brave Smurf: Papa Smurf, there's a snake in the village!
Lisa P, Papa Smurf: Let's just bludgeon the damn thing!

Dana Soady: A bunch is one thing! A bunch is one thing!
Tom McCudden: But I--Dana Soady: One thing!

Tom McCudden: There, now you are dressed as a woman of our culture who has found her porcupine-harvesting mate.

Eric Drowatzky: The band, in particular, was impressed with my...forte of producing louder sounds than them with my cattle prod. First I'd shock the tuba player, then I'd shock the flutist...

Corey, to audience: Okay, so I need three more emotions.
Audience member: Road rage!
Audience member: Disgust!
Corey: Another?
Audience member: Yiddish!

(Corey hands newscasters a special report)
Tim CoyneSmith, Tom Thompson: Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Oh, my god. I... (hands report to Lisa P) ...don't think I can read this.
Lisa P, Mary Brightly: (reads report, looks up with a bright smile & holds it...then hands the report back to Tim, saying:) ...I can't read it either.
Tim CoyneSmith: Ha. Ha. Ha.Ha.Ha. That was great.

Tim CoyneSmith, news anchor: Maybe this junk mail is even affecting the weather. Let's go to our meteorologist, Rainy. Rainy?
Dana Soady, Rainy: Thanks Tom. When people get junk mail, they get upset. And when people get upset, ...the weather gods pick up on it.

Tim CoyneSmith: I think we're looking at ramifications leading even to...sports!

Eric Drowatzky, fashion maven Tyra: Stamp skirts, and the everpopular stamp dress.
Tim CoyneSmith, news anchor: Um, Tyra, are those the peel-off, self-adhesive stamps?

Dana Soady: Thank goodness you're here, Person-Who-Can't-Tie-Her-Own-Shoelaces-And-Needs-Someone-To-Help-Her Lady!


From Mister Diplomat:

Ross White: I refuse to let a depilitating illness keep me from taking a crap!

Ross White: I swear, sometimes I just wanna shove my arm up my ass and rip that cancer right out! ...But it's just not practical.

Corey Brown: I've got her picture in my car. Whenever I go faster than 70, I see her face appear & know I need to slow. down. Just like when she and I had that kid by mistake; I needed to slow. down.
Ross White: And I keep one in my wallet so when I pull out my credit card to buy something, I see her looking at me like she always did, telling me, "You're spending too much money, you lazy sack of shit!"
Zach Ward: Maybe you guys should give me back my girlfriend's pictures.
Corey Brown: (defensively) It slows me down!
Ross White: (defensively) It tells me not to spend so much!
Corey Brown: You want to take that away from us?

Ross White, dying man: Also, I always wanted to get on a schooner...And I never did.
Scott Jennings: We live in Omaha; it couldn't be arranged.

Zach Ward: We see that catheter changed in an expanded crystal catheter moment!

(listening to clues on a game show:)
Zach Ward, contestant, to Ross: He was my favorite carnival ride.
Ross White, contestant, to Zach: He was my favorite Avengers West Coast villain...Never mind.

Zach Ward: We came here to learn something about ourselves.
Ross White: And something about each other.
Zach Ward: Which is inherent in finding something about ourselves out loud.

Zach Ward: You're trapped in the triangle, I'm trapped in semantics.

Zach Ward: OHHH! Look at that! Flaming toilet paper! Put that on yo' butt!

Ross White: Touch. My butt. (20x)
Simultaneously, the rest of team: Touch. His butt. (20x)


--Kit

PS: Kudos to Lisa P for her name-to-face help; you'll notice hers is the only last name I don't have.

PPS: Is it possible to have teams rattle off a quick "Tim" "Dana" "Tom" "Lisa" "Eric" at the start/end of their show? I guess at Inside Improv it's only idiots like me who don't know them all, but elsewhere it might be nice. As Lisa said, "Ooh! Then we could have fans!
________________________
Scott Jennings, giving a suggestion: Car! Car!
Audience Member: Mule Train!
Corey Brown: Okay, your suggestion is 'a mule train.'
Scott Jennings: ...That's following a car!