View Full Version : Critics Island

Dan Telfer
November 6, 2003, 04:27 PM
Sorry Jennings, Ross said I could.

Hey guys, I'm a Chicago improviser (and fan of Beatbox I might add) who knows some of you through the intermenet or whatever. I am reviewing movies in a Survivor knock-off where every month they boot one of us. We get paid! I ask you to read my reviews, and if you like them please bookmark this page and vote to keep me once a day.


Thank you for your consideration. Please boot Guy- he has a job writing for a TV show and his reviews are terrible. Frank is a real life friend and pretty funny, so be kind to him.


November 6, 2003, 04:34 PM
Good luck Dan!

If I go through an IP coverup can I vote forever? If so your gold.

Dan Telfer
November 7, 2003, 09:21 AM
Thanks, Corey!

I dunno, I guess it shouldn't. I know deleting your cookies is "rumored" to be very effective.

November 7, 2003, 09:55 AM
Chuh ching.

Ross White
November 7, 2003, 01:40 PM
Help Dan Telfer. He's a pleasant fellow in every way! He must stay on this island and fight the onslaught of vapid movie reviewers.

November 7, 2003, 02:54 PM
I liked your review. Anything that envolves Phil Collins and Disney is usually annoying and not fun to watch. I voted to keep you in, if worse comes to worse, eat the other critics for food.

Dan Telfer
November 7, 2003, 04:34 PM
Also, I cannot tell you how much I look forward to reviewing anything other than Brother Bear.

November 7, 2003, 04:41 PM
are you really 6'5"?

Dan Telfer
November 8, 2003, 02:16 AM
are you really 6'5"?

Yeah. Look me up on Friendster, pretty much all my testimonials are about how scary and tall I am.

November 10, 2003, 09:22 AM
bumpeth! :twisted:

Dan Telfer
November 10, 2003, 03:38 PM
Frank's new Matrix review is fantastic.


Dan Telfer
November 17, 2003, 11:48 AM
My new review, of Master and Commander:


They rejected my original title, "#1 Sawing-Arms-Off-Little-Boys Movie of all time!".

November 17, 2003, 01:40 PM
I'll miss those bears :(

Dan Telfer
November 17, 2003, 01:42 PM
My review is archived, goofball.



November 17, 2003, 01:54 PM
most people wouldnt call a possible vote goofball.....goofball!


Dan Telfer
November 17, 2003, 02:01 PM
I never said you weren't voting for a tyrant.

Dan Telfer
December 4, 2003, 12:42 PM
Hey, a new review is up for Haunted Mansion, if anyone here is interested.

I survived my first month! Woot.

December 4, 2003, 01:09 PM
I didnt like that other guy anyways. So good jeorb!

Ross White
December 4, 2003, 01:27 PM
Yeah, man, since you and Frank arrived, the old heirarchy has been toppled. I dig it. Let's get rid of the vapid Ms. Prusi and replace her with someone with some pizazz... maybe Dyna Moe!

Dan Telfer
December 4, 2003, 01:51 PM
I love Dyna Moe! Bring it!

Edit- Actually I made Jennings see Elf for purposes of reviewing. You should bug him to submit it.

December 4, 2003, 02:05 PM
Only if he submits reviews with his voice recog thingy.

Dan Telfer
December 17, 2003, 09:00 AM
I guess I hate old people (http://www.moviefone.com/community/criticsisland.adp?articleid=1071504866%2c0) now.

Kit's Alter Ego
December 17, 2003, 04:30 PM
Wow. Suddenly it seems like everybody's falling toward Kick Off.
Maybe some idiot with too much time on his hands is just voting over and over again to kick you four off out of idle maliciousness.


PS: I suspect Guy Toubes.

PPS: Right here in River City.

Dan Telfer
December 18, 2003, 09:44 AM
The last two people voted off were on there forever. Melissa, Guy Toubes, and a woman named Terri Clark were crushing the new guy every month for over a year. Then Frank got on, then me, and now Melissa is the only member left of the old triumverate. I have noticed that if I don't tell enough of my friends to vote, I'll log on and everyone will be low except her. As her reviews are crap, I can only imagine it's her.

Ross White
December 18, 2003, 09:50 AM
I hope she dies.

What's up with the new girl's picture?

Dan Telfer
December 18, 2003, 09:54 AM
When Frank and I saw Return of the King at 10:30 AM yesterday, I said "Hey, what do you think of Rachel?" He said "Ah, the Sea Hag?"

December 18, 2003, 09:56 AM
well alrighty then. I just made critics island my homepage so I will NEVER forget to vote everyday.

You should tell more people to follow suit. I mean who cares what their homepage is anyways?

Dan Telfer
December 29, 2003, 05:27 PM
Wow, just read that last post. Thanks, Corey!

If anyone still cares my review of Cold Mountain (http://www.moviefone.com/community/criticsisland.adp?articleid=1072713807%2c0) is now online, and December's loser in announced in two days. Down with Melissa.

Dan Telfer
January 21, 2004, 09:23 AM
I liked a romantic comedy. Along Came Polly (http://www.moviefone.com/community/criticsisland.adp?articleid=1074621116%2c0) was fun, though I doubt I would watch it again. It's no Grosse Point Blank.

Dan Telfer
February 11, 2004, 11:57 AM
My distress signal:

Now, I don't know if any of y'all are interested in this misadventure anymore, but you may notice that after several months of me leading the vote count, I am dead last. My friends have voted dilligently using the old cookie-clearing technique since the counter restarted this month, but to no avail. You will also notice that old schooler and banal writer Melissa has a ridiculous lead.


Well, my computer dork friend tells me that she likely has a DOS code/ hack file thing that automatically clears cookies and fires in a vote and is voting to kick me a hundred or so times a minute. He says he tried voting for me many times, only to see my rank drop to zero. He also is being kicked out of his place, so he can't help me out with one of these magic codes.

So whatever you guys can muster (however futile) I need help fighting against this tyrant who puts a whole lot more effort into cheating than actually reviewing movies. Thanks, and may the memories endure. The, er, movie reviewing memories.


Ross White
February 11, 2004, 04:01 PM
Has Melissa been caught? Her keep-to-kick-off ratio is down at about .0000002.

Dan Telfer
February 11, 2004, 04:11 PM
I think my parents logged in and voted her to kick a few thousand times, Ross.

Kit's Alter Ego
February 11, 2004, 04:49 PM
I've done all I can. Although the Durham Tech computers cannot have their settings changed, cookies deleted, or histories wiped, (except by restarting the computer and asking the librarian to type in the password), each one is able to vote once FOR Dan and AGAINST Melissa. With enough spare time to patiently wait for use of each of them in turn, I've racked up 40 votes each contestant.

--Pathetic Machiavelli

Dan Telfer
February 24, 2004, 09:49 AM
I thought we had her, but we don't.

DSI has helped me through some tough times on Critics Island, now is the week of ultimate judgement! Melissa's eyes are squinted evilly at me! Do what you can, guys! Thanks!

Dan Telfer
April 2, 2004, 03:25 PM