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Kit's Alter Ego
November 2, 2003, 11:31 AM
It's a new month, and DSI had an Inside Improv show on the 1st, a portentous occurence. I have therefore, upon request received via PM, taken down Golden Moments at said show. Hopefully, this will become a weekly thread, but I don't want to count my chickens. In any case, for those who missed last night's awesome show, I present to you:

GOLDEN MOMENTS: INSIDE IMPROV
NOVEMBER 1st, 2003
Host: Jin Kim
Groups Performing:
:arrow: Natural Selection (featured player: Andrew Hutson)
:arrow: Tony's Pony


From Natural Selection:

Jin Kim, son: Mom, I like the little juice boxes. It's just that...
Scott Jennings, mother: Are you sure you like the Junior Juice? Because I'm, I'm lactating!

Andrew Hutson: For years, the Chinese have longed to come to Chicago! But it's far too long slant-ways.

Jin Kim: I mean, sometimes you're the protagonist. And I'm the...mystic old man in the cave you come to.

Scott Jennings: Ahhhhhhhhhh! But before you can enter the Cave of Wisdom, you must first demonstrate the wisdom in you! Ahhhhhhhhhh! Turning it around on you, see? Ahhhhhhhhhh!

Andrew Hutson: It let through the Chinese Malays, but it also let through the other Malays, the Malays we didn't want!
Ross White: It's Malaysians! Malaysians! I'm tired of your derogatory terms!

Scott Jennings, to General Tsao: I've got an order of your chicken! Get it? Your chicken?
Ross White, General Tsao: Yes, yes, my chicken; I get that joke Every. Day.
Scott Jennings: Your chicken! :lol: :lol: Your chicken!
Ross White: <.pulls out a pistol & shoots Jennings>
Scott Jennings: <.dies in long, drawn-out pirouetting glory>
Ross White, to a digger: I...
Scott Jennings: <.is still alive, gasping> Your...huh, huh...chicken!
Ross White: <.shoots Jennings again>
Scott Jennings: <.dies again> <.is still alive> Your...cough...chicken!
Ross White: <.shoots Jennings several times>
Scott Jennings: Your...unh...chick...en!
Ross White, to the digger: Can I borrow that shovel?
<.beats Jennings with shovel several times, punctuated by:>
Scott Jennings: Y'r...ch'ck'n!
Ross White: Fine! Fine! I'm demoting myself to Colonel! There! Happy?
Scott Jennings: (straining to get the words out) Now we'll...have to...reprint. All those...menus!

Ross White: There's a liver in my lamp, Rex. How did it get there?
Jin Kim, Rex: Well, there are only two people who could have...awww, it was me.

Ross White: Brandish that knife, Rex!...No, wait, I mean...put it away, not brandish it.

Scott Jennings: Fight over me! Fight! Fiiiiiiiight!
Jin Kim: I feel like this is a scene from some movie, but I don't know which one.
Ross White: I...don't get that feeling.


From Tony's Pony:

Ben Moser: I painted a nursery!
Lyda Kendrick: Rainbows!
Ben Moser: Yes! Because now, I like colors!

Lyda Kendrick: I'm glad you gave up that band, Charlie!
Ben Moser, Charlie: Yeah! Who needs music! Kids don't need music; kids need parents!

Pete O'Bryan: Charlie, you just did two things of marijuana...15 shots of whiskey...and a tylenol...and you're acting like you did a whole 8-ball & those things...the ones they don't have a name for yet!

Pete O'Bryan: Luinda, you don't know this, but I have a dark side of druggin' and rummin' and...
Diana Chang:WoMaNiZiNg?! NyAaAaAaAaAaH!

Pete O'Bryan: Luinda, 'morals' is just another word for chickenshit.

Lyda Kendrick, furniture saleswoman: Oh, Mister Covington, I know that you see all that this chair is, and that's why I'm so happy to see you every day in here. <.sits him in a recliner and starts rubbing his shoulders> When I...when I'm at home with my boyfriend, I just feel like I'm in a dark place, Mister Covington, <.rubs her hands up and down his chest> I'm so lonely, Mister Covington, all by myself! <.rubs more urgently> I don't want to be alone!
Ben Moser, Mr. Covington: ...I'll buy the chair!

Pete O'Bryan: I got so many wedgies back when I played field hockey...that's a girl's sport, but they let me play. Because of my high voice, they weren't sure.

Ben Moser, rock star: <signing autograph> "To Billy. Keep on rocking!" ...And by 'keep on rocking,' I mean 'Don't give up anything you love just because She wants you to!'

Diana Chang, fan: Nasty Dave, you're the man!
Ben Moser: I was the man once. Now I'm not. But from what I can see, you might have what it takes to be the next man.

Diana Chang, fan: This is so cool! Am I dreaming?
Ben Moser, rock star: Probably so...But maybe not.
Pete O'Bryan: <waddling by> Hi, Billy, I'm a penguin in your dream!

Diana Chang: I willed myself into my fantasy dream! Hey there, big-breasted babe!

A guy is contracted to build a house on a swamp by Mr. Covington:
Ben Moser, Mr. Covington: If your handiwork sinks into the swamp, we'll just hire someone else to build some handiwork on top of your handiwork! No resurrecting of old handiwork for us! Not for J.R. Covington!
Pete O'Bryan, builder: So...I'm building a basement.