View Full Version : The CIVIL WAR Pageant

Zack Bly
April 5, 2004, 10:49 AM
You all knew this was coming, I'm sure.


coming soon to an ice cream store near you.

Ben Moser
April 5, 2004, 10:51 AM
If I had a sister, I would demand that she do what was needed to have Bly babies.

April 5, 2004, 10:55 AM
If this is the challenge I have to live up to, well fuckkit, Bly, I can pull that out of my arse in no time. Including 8 songs. I'm thinking 15-20 minutes of dialogue/action plus 10-15 minutes of songs. I'll have a skeleton done by the end of this week.

Ethan "Johnny Reb" Kaye

April 5, 2004, 11:00 AM
I call General Lee! ...or General Grant, I guess I don't care that much. But make me a general!

April 5, 2004, 11:02 AM
If you haven't yet read it, here is my working of a basic Thanksgiving pageant from my IRC journal. I wrote it in November and the Civil War script will be longer, better and have songs. Trust me, it'll be better.

(note, there are no actual facts in this play)
(scene opens with Pilgrims on stage)
Pilgrim 1: Aha, here we are in America after spending years on this boat, the Mayflower.
Pilgrim 2: It looks wonderful here. Let's build houses and then create a new civilization.
Pilgrim 3: I hope no bad people come!
(enter Dracula)
Dracula: Hahaha, I am Dracula. I will make this winter difficult for you by eating you!
Pilgrim 1: Oh no! How will we fight Dracula?
Pilgrim 2: We will use our wits and defeat him!
(cut to the Winter)
Pilgrim 1: Oh no, the winter is here and we are starving and Dracula has eaten almost everyone.
Pilgrim 2: Our wits were not enough to stop him.
Pilgrim 1: We need help! Call the Indians!
(enter Squanto)
Squanto: Hey everyone.
Pilgrim 1: Hey Squanto. Let's kill Dracula.
Squanto: Ok.
(cut to after killing Dracula)
Pilgrim 2: That sure was difficult, killing Dracula.
Squanto: It sure was. Let us eat turkey and stuffing.
Pilgrim 1: Oh no! I have dysentry! (dies)
Pilgrim 2: We will have a party and serve soda and pie.
Squanto: I will invite Aerosmith.
(cut to feast)
Pilgrim 3: This is a great party. I like the stuffing.
Squanto: I will teach you how to grow crops by burying fish with the seeds.
Pilgrim 2: That sounds weird, but ok.
Steven Tyler from Aerosmith: Dude looks like a lady...
Pilgrim 3: This is the best Thanksgiving ever!
Pilgrim 2: I too have dysentry. (dies)

The End.

Zack Bly
April 5, 2004, 11:02 AM

It was not meant as a challenge, but if you take it as such I have no choice to demand a riposte from you, to defend my own honour.



(in case you were wondering, the statue is that of the greek goddess-ette* CLIO, the muse of history)

* are the muses really goddesses? i thought they were like 2nd string or something.

April 5, 2004, 11:06 AM
Bly, this means CIVIL WAR!

(or a bi-weekly collaborative effort to bring about DSI's first scripted yet completely fabricated pageant rivalry involving music, drama and Scott Jennings as some general.)

Zack Bly
April 5, 2004, 11:16 AM
You wanna have pageant teams?

That way we could have two sets of pageant-eers, and one would get an audience suggestion one week, then take the week to write and possible rehearse (maybe once) the pageant, then perform the next weekend. The audience that night would rank them from a scale of 1-10, and then the next week's team would get a suggestion of a historical topic from the audience and then WRITES, (maybe) REHEARSES and PERFORMS the next one the following week-end, and then roles are reversed and we start over again.

Score is recorded from week to week. I suggest in the form of two big cardboard thermometers, like for fundraisers. First team to 100 wins.

Ready? GO!

April 5, 2004, 11:16 AM
someone stop this quickly before Ethan wets himself at work and loses his job.

I'll blame all of you if he is homless.

Kit's Alter Ego
April 5, 2004, 12:35 PM
You wanna have pageant teams?

Score is recorded from week to week. I suggest in the form of two big cardboard thermometers, like for fundraisers. First team to 100 wins.

If the first team reached it first, you'd have to make sure that the team that went second got a chance the week after...just to be fair.


PS: That was an annoyingly obvious observation on my part.
To defend my honor, I must needs write me own pageant, yar.

April 5, 2004, 01:09 PM
Well Kit and Bly, enjoy having a pageant with two people because everyone will be spending their time with my pageant which will rock hard. I say let's unite and write one really good pageant in our spare time. Sorry I haven't been able to post, I had to go home because I wet myself.

April 5, 2004, 01:12 PM
I too will write my own pageant, based on the Spanish Civil War. It will feature Nationalist General Francisco Franco, Republican Parliament leader Largo Caballero, noted painter Pablo Picasso, and the rock group Talking Heads. Here's a scene:

INT. Italian palace conference room, day. Generalissimo Francisco Franco, Adolf Hitler, and Benito Mussolini meet for a summit.

HITLER: And yes, tell me, what is the name of the leader of the forces you wish to defeat?
FRANCO: The man's name is Francisco Caballero.
MUSSOLINI: (chokes on cannoli) But, but! Your name is Francisco, is it not?
FRANCO: Yes, it is true. But I have already won the first battle of this bloody war: I have forced my opponent to eschew his own given name for his middle name.
HITLER: And, tell me, dear General, what name is that?
FRANCO: Largo.
MUSSOLINI: (stifles laughter) And, great General, please do tell me, were you to crudely translate "Largo Caballero" into English, what would result?
FRANCO: Why, I believe it would be, "Large Cowboy."
FRANCO: (sternly) Gentlemen! Gentlemen! Preserve your dignity, please! My foe is strong and worthy, it would be unwise to dismiss him merely on account of his silly name!
HITLER and MUSSOLINI fall from their chairs in hysterics.
FRANCO: (frustrated) Dear Lord, help me! Now, Adolf, are you going to test your bombers on the Spanish city of Guernica, or not?
HITLER and MUSSOLINI continue rolling about while FRANCO turns beet red with rage. We FADE TO BLACK.

The Talking Heads come in later.

Kit's Alter Ego
April 5, 2004, 01:14 PM
Yeah, working together on a new performance format is awesome!
Ethan...Zack...Kit...hmmm...we could do with one more. :?


______ Night Attack!

April 5, 2004, 01:24 PM
Lee: Hey Grant, can you pass the salt?
Grant: No.

To this Mr. Grant, I say thank you. For without you I would not be free.

Zack Bly
April 5, 2004, 01:52 PM
I say let's unite and write one really good pageant in our spare time.

kit is good at writing alternate lyrics to songs, so we'd pretty much have the 8 songs covered.

and guys, when the theater opens there will probably be a dearth of material to put up on the stage....so all we have to do is bide our time and hone our mad pageant skillz....

* edited *

Well Kit and Bly, enjoy having a pageant with two people because everyone will be spending their time with my pageant which will rock hard.

If I had a sister, I would demand that she do what was needed to have Bly babies.

is everyone dumping my first name now that big zach is moving into town?

Kit's Alter Ego
April 5, 2004, 04:56 PM
is everyone dumping my first name now that big zach is moving into town?

Ethan...Zack...Kit...hmmm...we could do with one more.

Ahem. Young man, not everybody is doing it.


Zack Bly
April 5, 2004, 05:17 PM
mea culpa.

anyway, before the idea of joining forces came up, i'd already started working on a pageant called REVOLUTSYA!
which is about the Russian Revolution. i started at 1881 and i'm already at the outbreak of world war I. just three more years to go....

~ harvey keitel

Richard White
April 5, 2004, 05:47 PM
What if we had a 24-hour pageant festival?

Get the ideas for which war, which characters, etc. on Friday night at Inside Improv, then the writers take the rest of the night to knock out a 5-minute script, then all day Saturday it is worked on by "actors" and "directors" and performed on Saturday night, to the delight of all.

April 5, 2004, 08:03 PM
DSI goes to war. A very very interesting concept. Perhaps...if we determined which teams would be playing (an instance of all the house teams and independent teams doing something on one night) we could say "in a month you have 10-15 minutes to present a pageant for the war of your choice." You can improvise it, write sketches for it, whatever. But you are covering a war. I'd like to see Throw Like a Girl's take on the Trojan War or Mr. Diplomat's take on Vietnam and I'd like to be in the new Night Attack's all-radio broadcasts of World War II. See how Kevlar takes on Korea and how the new house team kicks Saddam Hussein's butt.

Think about it. This could be good press.

Zack Bly
April 5, 2004, 09:28 PM
at the risk of sounding like a hippie peace-nik, not all pageants have to be about war, either. there are plenty of fascinating historical events that don't involve shooting....for example, ethan's lovely thanksgiving piece. or how about a march through the industrial revolution? a sinking-of-the-titanic pageant? that would be exceedingly a propos, since the anniversary of that great ship going down is coming up soon (april 14/15th, folks!) let's see KEVLAR© tackle the women's suffrage movement in the 1910s, and DAVE® (whenever it is formed) could do the true story of Lewis and Clark! Maybe T.L.A.G. could do a piece about the civil rights movement in the 50s-60s! Maybe «MR.DIPLOMAT» could do something about the history of baseball or something! everyone, prepare your addition to the show!!

coming soon: the DSI Chataqua !!

April 5, 2004, 09:50 PM
i think anything featuring eugene v. debs would make a fantastic pageant!

April 5, 2004, 11:51 PM
TLAG, and by TLAG I mean CeCe Garcia, wants to do the Trojan War. HELLS YEAH! I call the part of Aeneas or Odysseus because they had epic poems. Wait, shit no. I want Athena. I may be a blue-eyed goddess in real life but I'll be a grey-eyed one for the pageant!

April 5, 2004, 11:59 PM
Damn you CeCe, that was my hosting bit for Friday.

Ben Moser
April 6, 2004, 12:01 AM
I want to write a pageant about the war that this bit-stealing will start.

April 6, 2004, 12:23 AM
Don't worry about it. As Journey sings, "some will win, and some will lose."

Zack Bly
April 6, 2004, 09:30 AM
i've got some more fleshing out of my pageant to do, but it's pretty much set as far as general flow is concerned. hope everyone's learning the words to "the internationale..."

Ben Moser
April 6, 2004, 09:45 AM
learning? as in "in the process of?"

Arise ye workers from your slumbers
Arise ye prisoners of want
For reason in revolt now thunders
And at last ends the age of cant.
Away with all your superstitions
Serville masses arise, arise
We'll change henceforth the old conditions
And spurn the dust to win the prize.

So comrades, comrades!
Come rally and the last fight let us face
The Internationale unites the human race.
So comrades, comrades!
Come rally and the last fight let us face
The Internationale unites the human race.

Well, I don't remember as much of the rest of it as originally thought. That's too bad, because the veres about shooting our own generals and striking while the iron is hot rule.

Still, I think based the knowledge I have, I deserve a good part.

Kit's Alter Ego
April 6, 2004, 01:18 PM
kit is good at writing alternate lyrics to songs, so we'd pretty much have the 8 songs covered.

Ooh! If we get eight groups to do them, I could write a song for everybody!

That way, a half-hour pageant wouldn't have to fit in 24 minutes of songs.

CIVIL RIGHTS MOVEMENT: My Boyfriend's Black (ttto My Boyfriend's Back by the Angels)
THE INTERNET REVOLUTION: Broadband (ttto My Band by D12)
THE TRADING CARD INSANITY: The Future Is Pokemon (ttto Clint Eastwood by The Gorillaz)
THE BOOK OF GENESIS: At First God Battled Demons (ttto The First Cut Is The Deepest by Cat Stevens)
REALITY SHOW CRAZE: Survivor (ttto...well, Survivor by Destiny's Child)
THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION: I'm Dick Cheney In A Battle (ttto Genie in a Bottle by Christina Aguilera)
MILITARY RECRUITMENT: ROTC In The USA (ttto R-O-C-K in the USA by John Mellencamp)
THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST: I'll Ever Be Your Easter Burden (ttto Beast of Burden by The Rolling Stones)

Just off the top of my head.


PS: And if the groups didn't want to use the songs, who cares? I'd write 'em anyway! C'est la guerre!

April 6, 2004, 01:32 PM
I'm discussing the plot of my Civil War pageant with a friend of mine in law school. We've generated ideas and I'll soon be moving on to a script. Songs will be original, not to the tunes of (sorry Kit), but they will be short and won't take up a lot of time. Ideally, a short pageant. Once a script is done I'll have other people edit it then we'll get some people together who want to bullshit around with it for a few months. There is no rush on the War Between the States pageant.

IF people get scripts together we could perform them under an umbrella pageant title. The ad would be: "Tonight - Camp Moxitawaloofa Drama Club Presents...."

Kit's Alter Ego
April 6, 2004, 01:38 PM
HaHA! Then I get to keep these parody ideas simmering!
Some of them shall be born as soon as I expand my karaoke collection!


PS: Why aren't The Gorillaz on any karaoke CDs, I ask you. Why?

Zack Bly
April 6, 2004, 11:16 PM
Still, I think based the knowledge I have, I deserve a good part.

fabulous, comrade. i'm working on the song bit of my pageant now, with songs to the tune of public domain hits that shouldn't be too hard to get a good instrumental version of.

HEAR! Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels sing their theory, "the Hymn of Dialectical and Historical Materialism!"

HEAR! three bumbling finance ministers (N.K. Bunge, I.A. Vyshnegradskii, S.A. Witte) explain their misguided attempts at economic reform in song!

HEAR! the proletariat call for the "workers of the world" to "unite!"

i'm so positively excited. although i must admit the stress in mine is on historical accuracy rather than comedy; there are a couple of bits thrown in here and there, however.

p.s. kit, you're cool...beyond words.

April 6, 2004, 11:32 PM
Sorry to sound like I'm competing with you, Bly m'boy, it's just that my Civil War pageant is being trimmed for greatness as every working day that I can spend time on it goes by. Whereas your Marxist revolution pageant includes historical fact and strives for accuracy, my Civil War pageant dismisses frivolous things like knowledge. It originally included six actual historical facts but that number has now been trimmed to a happy four:

1. The Confederacy left the country
2. Atlanta caught on fire
3. Sherman marched to the sea
4. Lee surrendered at the Appomattox courthouse

My pageant will be full of great guests that may or not have played parts in the Civil War (or the War of Secession, as I read today in the encyclopedia trying to sift the war into 6 major facts). These familiar faces that pop up may include (but are not limited to):

Dorothea Dix
William Shatner
Lee Harvey Oswald
Time Cat

I'm striving to make this as close to what your poster suggested and I will be including songs. Casting calls will go out once I have the script edited by someone.

Lisa P
April 6, 2004, 11:35 PM
I want you, Ethan Kaye! Take me now! (Kit, I assume our engagement is still on)

April 7, 2004, 12:13 AM
I call Lee Harvey Oswald. Because I look so damn much like Gary Oldman.

April 7, 2004, 12:34 AM
I really want to do this thing. I'm really excited about the prospect of a scripted show, even if it does have to wait until we get a theater and some free time. But here's what "The War Between the States" promises!

SEE! Brother against Brother!

HEAR! New songs from tunesmith Ethan Kaye, former keyboard player from Kef, a band who once opened for Asia!

SEE! William Shatner and Lee Harvey Oswald!

SEE! President Lincoln seduced by a woman who is not his wife!

SEE! Atlanta burning to the ground! (or at least referenced to off-stage)

SEE! Sherman's March to the Sea graphically portrayed!

SEE! Time Cat!

Doesn't this make you all want to jump in with both feet? Doesn't this make you want to audition? Doesn't this make you want to learn more about the parts you could be up for? There are no small parts - only parts with not so many lines or stage directions. I want this to be a big community event, like when Mickey Rooney and Judy Garland said "let's put on a show!" and they did! I'm working on a script and batting ideas around but ask yourself this:

How could a Civil War show with Lee Harvey Oswald, Dorothea Dix and maybe even a guest appearance by DRACULA be bad?

April 7, 2004, 12:36 AM
Who is Time Cat?

April 7, 2004, 12:42 AM
Long story. It was an old concept I brought to Jennings when I first moved here. We take Ross's cat Kirk. And Ross's cat Miss Kitty. And Kirk is Miss Kitty from the past. He comes to the future to warn his future self of some horrible thing and change the future.

This was a video sketch idea.

Kirk would go back in time in a cat box with dry ice mist coming out of it.

Um, it didn't really go far.

But I want a talking animal character, dammit. Every Civil War pageant needs one.

Zack Bly
April 7, 2004, 01:01 AM

what's a little friendly competition between comrades? even the soviet union benefited from economic competition....socialist competition, of course.

Lisa P
April 7, 2004, 01:01 AM
Mmmm, ok. Whatever. Can I be the seductress? And maybe Kirk or Erik or Jon or, hell, any number of DSI hotties can be Lincoln.

Zack Bly
April 7, 2004, 01:07 AM
unfortunately, the bolshevik revolution doesn't seem to have any major female players....but that's not to say that there weren't female factory workers and even soldiers on the front lines during the great war!

Lisa P
April 7, 2004, 01:10 AM
Well then, so far, Ethan's pagent is looking pretty good, Bly.