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jillybee72
March 27, 2004, 01:56 AM
Witty reparté requested please.


♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

Lisa P
March 27, 2004, 02:04 AM
Well, I can't promise witty at 3:00 a.m., but I'll reparte (how did you get that snooty little accent?) to your heart's content.

Kit's Alter Ego
March 27, 2004, 02:38 AM
The accent's frénch, Lisa; it's automatically snooty.
And as for boredom cures...

LES MIS! THE MUSICAL
(a 'Story in a Minute' production)

<lights up on prisonyard with lots of foul demons & the dregs of society...who are all wearing funny hats and guarding the prisoners.>

PRISONERS (singing):
That's the sound of the men...
Workin' on the chain...
Gaaaaaaaaang!

GUARDS:
Shut UP!

< Javert enters >

JAVERT:
Repetitive Namethatsrepetitive, you are free!

JEAN VALJEAN (wearing thick hornrimmed glasses):
You mean me, Jean Valjean?

JAVERT:
Yes, you are a free man after your life sentence for stealing a crust of bread! We should have cut off your hands, but we're French so instead you got off lucky with 20 years! Go and eke out an honest living so that you can get disillusioned with it, and the oppressive forces of Authority can rightfully accuse you of a crime this time around!

VALJEAN:
That was really long for a 'Story In A Minute' line!

JAVERT:
This is 'Les Mis', Number 12do69; it's so long that even the first act of its 'Story in a Minute' takes five minutes! Now scram!

< Valjean sprints off to work, throws a shovelfull of dirt, the boss fires him for criminal intent to dig and he runs off >

VALJEAN (singing):
Nobody likes me,
Ev'rybody hates me!
Guess I'll go eat worms!

< a Bishop enters (only moving on the white squares) >

BISHOP:
Come in! Please: steal my silver!

VALJEAN:
Um, k.

< The bishop runs out. Valjean takes silver and turns to run, but police are right there and catch him. The bishop runs back in >

BISHOP:
Officers, the man is innocent! Go away!
< they do so >
Now I've bought your soul for the lord, you godless heathen!
< aside >:
Besides, the stuff's heavily insured!
< bishop runs off chuckling and rubbing his hands together >

VALJEAN:
Wow. I'm a new man!
< singing: >
Drop-kick me, Jesus,
Through the goalposts of life!
< speaking: >
Maybe I'll go into politics!

END BACKGROUND SEQUENCE AND ACTUALLY START THE PLAY

POOR PEOPLE (shouting):
IT'S BEEN 8 YEARS SINCE THE PROLOGUE AND
WE'RE!
STILL!
POOR!

< poor people exit since they weren't really all that important to the story anyway, and lots of factory girls enter >

FACTORY GIRLS (singing):
Workin' 9 to 5!
What a way to make a livin'!

< Fantine has a letter shoved in her face that has a 12-inch tall '$' on it and a nasty factory girl runs up >

NASTY FACTORY GIRL (singing):
Nasty!
Nasty girl!
You're such a nasty girl!

FANTINE:
But I'm sending money to my baby girl...

FACTORY GIRLS (in an understanding tone):
Oh, that's okay then.

FANTINE:
...that I had out of wedlock.

FACTORY GIRLS:
You WHORE!

< foreman pushes her down and, on cue, the whores enter >

WHORES (singing):
Voulez-vous couchez avec moi,
...Ce soir?

FANTINE:
I'll never join you!

RANDOM MAN:
A penny for your thoughts?

FANTINE:
Okay!

RANDOM MAN:
By 'your thoughts', of course, I mean 'sex'.

FANTINE (shrugging and laughing):
Well, too late to back out now!

< they run out, Fantine runs right back in wearing naught but her corset. On her run, she trips, her wig flies off, and she stumbles into a rich ugly man >

RICH UGLY MAN (singing):
Let's get it on, baby...
< falsetto singing: >
Let's get it on!

FANTINE:
No way!

< Javert runs in >

JAVERT:
A whore refusing to do her civic duty?! Take her away!

< Valjean enters, but now without his glasses >

VALJEAN:
I am Val Jeanval, the mayor! Get her to a nunnery!

< Fantine screams wildly, faints and is carried off. Valjean follows. >

JAVERT:
That guy, Val Jeanval, he's the mayor, I know...but he sure looked familiar...oh well, back to my lifelong search for Jean Valjean.

< Javert exits. Valjean, five nuns, and Fantine enter >

NUNS:
Nunsense!
It's habit-forming
That's what people say...

VALJEAN:
Shut up!

< they shut up >

FANTINE:
I die!

< she dies >

VALJEAN:
I'll look after Cosette, your daughter! But first let me read you something; I'll just put on my glasses.

< He does so. Javert enters. >

JAVERT:
It's you!

< Valjean turns, takes a deep breath and: >

VALJEAN (in operatic tenor):
SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!

< Valjean bolts out >

< scene change. Young Cosette enters. Tables and chairs fly out on stage and young Cosette catches them and sets them upright. She's really dirty, almost as if her caretakers were spending all the money her mother sends them on their own daughter while they treat Cosette like a servant. Madame Thenardier enters >

MME. THENARDIER (singing):
Cinderella! Cinderella!
Night and day it's Cinderella!

COSETTE:
But my name is...

< Thenardier enters >
THENARDIER (singing):
Iiiiiiiii'm comin' up,
So you better get this party started!
< lots of guests enter. As they run in one by one, Thenardier bashes them on the head and steals their money as he sings: >
Iiiiiiiii'm comin' up,
So you better get this party started!

< Valjean enters >

VALJEAN:
Gimme the girl! Here's some money!

THENARDIER:
Double it!

VALJEAN:
Fine. Meanie.

< Valjean grabs Eponine and exits...then runs back in, grabs Cosette and exits >

END SEQUENCE AND ACTUALLY START THE PLAY...WE MEAN IT THIS TIME!

POOR PEOPLE (shouting):
IT'S BEEN 9 YEARS SINCE THAT LAST PART AND
WE'RE!
STILL!
POOR!

GAVROCHE, a poor little orphan (singing):
It's a hard-knock life!

< continues humming as: >
< Poor people mill about. Most of the characters from the first bit mill around. Marius, a professional student, mills amongst and takes notes on their poorness. >

MARIUS (to random beggar):
So. You're poor too, are you?

EPONINE (now of age, to Marius):
*I'm* poor, and I'm also...
< she lounges back across a piano that starts playing as she croons: >
C-razy 'bout the boy!
I know it's stupid to be...

THENARDIER (to Valjean):
Hey, aren't you that guy?

MARIUS (singing to Cosette, who's also of age):
Pretty woman
Walkin' down the street...

VALJEAN:
Uh. No. I'm not that guy.

COSETTE (singing to Marius, who's also, coincidentally, of age):
C-razy for the boy!

THENARDIER:
HEY, THAT GUY IS OVER HERE!

< Javert runs in as Valjean runs out with Cosette >

JAVERT:
Was that guy the guy who's That Guy to me?

MARIUS:
Uh. ...No.

JAVERT:
You may love that girl, but she's just as evil as that guy, I know!

MARIUS:
Nonsense, Javert, if there's one thing I pride myself on, it's I'm an excellent judge of character.

EPONINE (aside):
Oh yes, sure, 'an excellent judge of character'...NOT!

< all exit, revolutionaries run in and sit at tables and chairs that are still onstage >

COMBEFERRE:
What's our battle cry, men?

REVOLUTIONARIES (including Marius as he runs back in):
I'M MAD AS HELL AND I'M NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANY MORE!

GAVROCHE (grinning and standing on a table):
I'm little, but I'm important...
< turning to audience >
...and a soon-to-be martyr!
< winks and thumbs-up >

< all exit, taking chairs and tables with them >

< Valjean and Cosette enter. Across the stage, Marius and Eponine enter >

VALJEAN:
Bye!

< he exits >

EPONINE (to Marius):
She's over there...I love you!

MARIUS (running toward Cosette with his fingers in his ears):
LALALALA! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

COSETTE (singing to Marius):
Do you loooove meeeee?

MARIUS:
Yes. I suppose I do.

COSETTE (singing):
And I suppose I loooooove yoooooou tooooooo!"

THENARDIER (running across the stage):
THAT GUY LIVES HERE! THAT GUY LIVES HERE!

< Valjean leans in, grabs Cosette and pulls her offstage. Revolutionaries enter >

REVOLUTIONARIES (singing):
And we're over.
We're comin' over!
< Marius makes his decision and joins them in singing: >
And we won't be back
'Til it's over over there!
HEY!

INTERMISSION


--Kit

Lisa P
March 27, 2004, 02:49 AM
Holy crap, Kit. How do you do that in 20 minutes at this hour? Jeez!

ilaughatme
March 27, 2004, 11:42 AM
Yeah, Kit. You don't post too much.

jillybee72
March 27, 2004, 12:20 PM
Thank you Kit, you're a true friend.

EthanK
March 27, 2004, 12:22 PM
I too am bored. if anyone is doing something fun or looking to do something fun or considering doing something fun, let me know. Because I'm here in Raleigh. And the sun's too bright to watch TV.

jillybee72
March 27, 2004, 11:25 PM
ETHAN! I yam so bored. I wish I could come over. But Raleigh is far away from Minneapolis.

Interestingly enough, Black Collegian Online recommends both Raleigh and Minneapolis as attractive relocation spots.
http://www.black-collegian.com/news/special-reports/relocation2000-2nd.shtml

Aw, that's not actually interesting. I'm still bored.

ilaughatme
March 28, 2004, 12:54 AM
Some fun websites:
www.bored.com
www.emode.com
www.zefrank.com
www.homestarrunner.com
Some more that I'm not sure work but have them saved in a Word document as awesome sites:
Pirate Name Quiz - http://www.fidius.org/quiz/
Hero Machine - http://www.ugo.com/channels/freestyle/heroMachine/heromachine.asp
You Are My Friend - http://www.you.drmaulfish.youaremyfriend.com/
Throw Rocks at Boys - http://www.davidandgoliathtees.com/new/games/throwrocks.html
AIM rules - http://pointsincase.com/print/im_golden_rules.htm
Jack Handey - http://www.tremorseven.com/aim/deepaim.php?job=view
Hey Allah - http://www.liquidgeneration.com/poptoons/saddam_outkast.asp
Adaptation screenplay - http://www.beingcharliekaufman.com/adaptation.pdf
Jewish Hey Ya - http://www.aepiucla.org/heyya.mp3

jillybee72
March 28, 2004, 05:57 PM
You rule.

ilaughatme
March 28, 2004, 07:25 PM
Haha. Thanks.