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CohenFridge
March 21, 2004, 02:02 AM
Dearest all,

I'm writing a play...

I've got half of it really revised...

I thought I'd post it here...

If anyone feels like responding, go for it. I figure if PT can put his art up here, I can put mine up here. Enjoy it. And if you don't...well, screw ya!

The best way to describe it...A Dorm Room Pastoral...The everyday life of a college dorm at...well, I called it NCU (the names are slightly changed to protect the living!)

Mangum 310

Dramatis Personae:
GREG
AARON
MYSTERY MAN
JEREMY
KELLY
PEACH
HOLLY
JENNY
LANIE
SETH
STEVE

ACT 1

(Lights up on Mangum 310, a dormitory room at North Carolina University on a Sunday morning in December. There is a doorway leading into the room upstage center. Stage right is a bed lofted up about eight feet with a futon underneath it. GREG sleeps on top of the bed, underneath a quilt that his mother made for him. On the futon sleeps MYSTERY MAN. At the downstage base of the bed is a desk with a bookcase on it. The rungs of the bed and the desk act as stairs down. There is an alarm clock on top of the bookcase. Stage left of the desk is a chair that acts as a step down from another lofted bed downstage left and center. AARON sleeps on top of his bed. There is a similar desk and bookcase combination upstage and left of his bed. Under Aaronís bed is a set of three piano keyboards, speakers, and sound equipment. On both desks is a Carolina Computing Initiative laptop, open, with AOL Instant Messenger running. On the floor is a large, short, blue carpet covering the main walking area. Stage right of Aaronís desk is an executive rolling chair. The closets are to the stage left and stage right of the main upstage door. There is a pair of windows far downstage center. The alarm goes off. GREG and AARON sit up. GREG turns off the alarm clock and the two of them lie back down. The MYSTERY MAN does not stir. After a long beat, GREG gets off of the bed, sits in his chair and starts typing on his computer. After an even longer beat, AARON gets down from the bed, GREG moves from the chair to accommodate him. Aaron goes over to his computer and sits down and types. GREG resumes his position. They both type. Pause.)

GREG:
Whatís the weather gonna be like today?

(Pause)
GREG:
Aaron?

AARON:
Wha?

GREG:
Weather?

AARON:
Oh. (Pause) High of forty, itís twenty-five now. Might snow.

GREG:
Thanks.

(Pause)

AARON:
You got back late last night. Even later than usual. I figured since Vanya was next weekend Ė

GREG:
Holly and I were club hoppiní till three. Then, weed at her place. Then, I ended up here. Even cue-to-cue night can be a college night.

AARON:
Howíd that Theatre History test go?

GREG:
Bombed it. I shouldíve read more.

(Pause)

AARON:
Yup.

GREG:
(Laughs.)
Donít patronize me.

AARON:
All I said was yup, reaffirming what you already knew you had to do.

GREG:
Ok, sorry. Itís just that at home, my dad always does that. He says, ďyupĒ when he really means, ďstop being such a screw-up.Ē

AARON:
Eh. I guess I just got it from my dad. Youíll prolly be like that to your kids.

GREG:
Kids? No way, actors donít have kids.

AARON:
Whatever.

GREG:
What about musician-physicists?

AARON:
Um Ė

GREG:
Or are you a physicist-musician?

AARON:
Shut up.

GREG:
Maybe musi-cist. Physician?

AARON:
Enough!

(Pause. A few beats.)

GREG:
So, Lanie didnít sleep over again.

AARON:
Yup.

(Pause. A few beats.)

GREG:
We gonna work on that folk song today?

AARON:
(Perks up.)
Yeah. Sure.

GREG:
Mangum 310: The Sound Track, coming to a record store near you!

AARON:
With your favorite artists: like Greg KatzÖand more!

GREG:
Order now!

(GREG notices the MYSTERY MAN.)

AARON:
Send thirty-five cents and a self-addressed envelo-

GREG:
Shhh! Aaron?

AARON:
What?

GREG:
Who the hell is this guy sleeping on our futon?

(AARON sees the MYSTERY MAN for the first time.)

AARON:
Whoa! Heís not one of your friends?

GREG:
(Gathering bathroom stuff.)
Nah. My friends would have the decency enough to break into song when they arrived.
Iím gonna shower.

AARON:
Enjoy.

(GREG makes a theatrical exit. AARON sighs. He goes into his closet and pulls out a broom. He pokes the MYSTERY MAN but he doesnít budge. Enter JEREMY.)

JEREMY:
Yo A-sharp. Youíve gotta hear this new song I wrote.

AARON:
One sec man, I gotta take a shower.

(AARON starts gathering his stuff together from his closet.)

JEREMY:
Itís about a girl who finally understands how much this guy cares about her and then she drops everything and comes running to his room right away.

AARON:
Solid.

JEREMY:
Jenny hasnít come by this morning has she?

AARON:
Not yet. Itís early though. Weíve gotta keep an eye on the random futon man.

JEREMY:
Sure thing.

(AARON tries to find a towel.)

JEREMY:
Oh and I gotta tell you about my date I had with her.

AARON:
Your date?

JEREMY:
Yeah.

AARON:
Sure man.

JEREMY:
It was awesome.

AARON:
As soon as Iím done.

JEREMY:
Sheís so sweet.

AARON:
Yeah. Real cute.

JEREMY:
The cutest.

AARON:
(Cough talk.)
Pedophile!

JEREMY:
Huh?

AARON:
Oh, nothing.
(Cough talk.)
Statutory!

JEREMY:
What are you Ė

(AARON finds his towel.)

AARON:
Got something in my throat. Iíll see ya later.

(AARON exits.)

JEREMY:
Sta Ė cha Ė oh. Cocksucker.

(JEREMY grabs a bag of chips and starts for the door. As heís to the doorway, KELLY walks in. They nearly bump. They look at each other. Five beats of silence.)

JEREMY:
Donít you hate those awkward silences?

(Pause. Silence.)

JEREMY:
Itís from Pulp Fiction.

KELLY:
I know.

JEREMY:
Well, yeah, thatís why I Ė

KELLY:
Is Greg here?

JEREMY:
Shower prolly.

KELLY:
Iíll wait.

(KELLY goes over and sits in GREGís chair.)

JEREMY:
So, how are you?

KELLY:
Iíve got three tests this week, the first one is genetics which is no problem because I learned it all in high school but the second two I havenít even started studying for and Iím stage managing a play that opens in less than a week and Iím helping the lead actor memorize his lines at ten in the morning. So, I guess Iím fine.

JEREMY:
Yeah. Iím good too.

KELLY:
Good.

JEREMY:
Are you and Greg dating?

KELLY:
(Quickly.)
No.

JEREMY:
Ok, Iíll go.

KELLY:
Bye.

(JEREMY exits. After a few beats, enter GREG. KELLY runs up to GREG, hugs him and scratches his hair.)

KELLY:
Good morning.

GREG:
How are you, Kelly?

KELLY:
Iíve got three tests this week Ė

GREG:
Uh-huh.

KELLY:
Iím Ok on the first one, but Ė

GREG:
I donít care about the tests. Just tell me how you are, sweetheart.

KELLY:
Iím good, I donít have any real problems.

GREG:
Good to hear.

KELLY:
You look like shit. Did you stay up late?

GREG:
Went to a bunch of clubs with Holly. You know, the ďFail-School Society.Ē Itís funny, but I donít even care about my classes anymore. Itís just the play and, wellÖ
(GREG trails off.)

KELLY:
And, wellÖwhat?

GREG:
Nothing.

KELLY:
Got your lines memorized?

GREG:
The first two acts.

KELLY:
Greg, the play opens in five days.

GREG:
I know.

KELLY:
I remember in high school how Andrew had all of his lines memorized by the first read-through. Every time.

GREG:
Well, not all of us are as skilled as Andrew Coble.

(The phone rings.)

GREG:
Hold on one sec.

KELLY:
Iíll just check my e-mail.

(GREG picks up the phone, KELLY goes over to the computer.)

GREG:
Hello? Oh, hey Peach. Yeah, Iíve still got Challenge for the Actor. No, I havenít looked at it yet. Yes, you can borrow it. Iíll be right down.

(GREG hangs up the phone.)

Iíll be right back. Want anything from the vending machine?

KELLY:
No, Iím fine. Youíre always treating me like I need something.

GREG:
I guess chivalry is dead. Iíll be back.

(GREG exits. KELLY reacts to the computer screen. She takes out her cell phone, dials and waits for the pick-up.)

KELLY:
Hey, is Andrew thereÖOkÖYeah, Iíll leave a message. ItísÖItísÖsorry, I think I have the wrong number.

(KELLY hangs up and looks at the phone. Enter GREG and PEACH.)

PEACH:
Ok. So Phillip, Dan, and Johnny are all proposing to direct next semester, but Phil and Dan are going for shows by the same playwright, so one of them automatically has to go. Johnny directed in September so they probably wonít give him the slot. All that crazy mishmash makes me want to propose my show.

GREG:
Why donít you?

PEACH:
That proposal wonít be ready for at least another year and a half. At least. Before then, I have to get elected Producer, act in at least four more plays, and write about fifty pages worth of a production history on it.

GREG:
Goddamn Shakespeare.

PEACH:
A man could spend his whole life on Hamlet, but it would be a productive one.

GREG:
Why do you need the Uta?

PEACH:
I had an idea for being Vanya, thought Iíd read the last ten chapters to flesh it out.

KELLY:
You work too hard.

GREG:
Look whoís talking, Science.

KELLY:
Ok. You work too hard on your worthless major. I work hard on my future career.

PEACH:
Then why the stage-managing?

KELLY:
Itís nice to be in control. I wouldnít do it if I didnít love it.

GREG:
You mean, if you didnít love to complain about it.

KELLY:
Well, thatís all you do. I work on the Biology, Peach on his acting, all you do is Ė

HOLLY (offstage):
Party like the Cherry Orchard is coming down!

(Enter HOLLY with a large bottle of wine.)

PEACH:
Weíre working on Uncle Vanya, not The Cherry Orchard.

HOLLY:
All youíre working on is a nervous breakdown, Plum. Just suck back a couple of glasses and youíll be ripe for party. The ďFail-School SocietyĒ always needs more members.

GREG:
Holly, sweetie, I saw you like five hours ago. You never quit.

HOLLY:
I havenít slept. I went to this party in frat court. I canít remember which one, all the Greek letters are alphabet soup right now, but they had twenty-five beer bongs going on at once. It was the sexiest thing Iíve ever seen.

(GREG finds the book and gives it to PEACH.)

GREG:
Here you go, man.

PEACH:
Yeah, I donít really have time for your stories.

HOLLY:
Everyone needs time for fun.

KELLY:
Greg, what about your lines? Your dorm room isnít smelling any rosier.

(HOLLY gestures to the bottle.)

HOLLY:
Come on, Peach, just a little drink.

PEACH:
No, I have to work. Greg, I can run lines after 1 AM, if you need me.

GREG:
Sure man.

(PEACH exits.)

HOLLY:
Whatís that dead guy doing on the futon?

(KELLY notices the MYSTERY MAN and screams. The MYSTERY MAN doesnít budge.)

KELLY:
What the hell?

GREG:
Heís not dead; he was just there when we woke up.

HOLLY:
You shouldnít put up with that.

GREG:
Iíll take care of it later.

KELLY:
So, your lines? I donít have all the time in the world.

GREG:
Damn it, I donít understand this pointless play, how can I memorize the lines when I donít understand what Iím saying?

KELLY:
I have no idea, but youíre important in this, Dr. Astrov, you need to memorize your lines.

GREG:
You see it from a practical point, Science. But actors, the good ones need something a little bit different. Someone like Peach, he works too hard on the grunt work trying to find what all actors need. A little bit of inspiration.

KELLY:
People say heís really good.

GREG:
Well, he finds it sometimes, but by the time he uses it, itís so choked out that only ten percent of it makes it on stage. Iím looking for pure inspiration. The kind that finds me. Unchoked, untamed, unbelievable feelings that are like magic.

HOLLY:
I think a bit of my purple haze will do the trick.

GREG:
(Pushing HOLLY to the door.)
You, get out.

HOLLY:
Maybe the pure THC.

GREG:
Out!

(Exit HOLLY)

And you!

KELLY:
Yeah?

GREG:
Letís go down to the study lounge for the line thing.

KELLY:
Are you giving me orders?

GREG:
Being a stage manager doesnít make you a god, letís roll.

KELLY:
Fine.

(They gather their stuff. GREG and KELLY exit. MYSTERY MAN rolls over to his other side making a weak groaning noise then becomes motionless again. AARON enters. He sits down at his executive rolling chair and sighs at the computer. He goes over to his computer, plays a few notes and stops. He sighs again. There is a soft knock at the half open door.)

AARON:
Unless youíre my musical talent, donít come in.

(Enter JENNY.)

JENNY:
Nope, itís just little old me.

AARON:
Oh, hey Jenny.

(AARON gets up and gives JENNY a somewhat awkward (for AARON) hug, she makes a squeaky noise and grins.)

JENNY:
You having Musicianís Block or something?

AARON:
Yup.

(Pause. JENNY appears to be waiting.)

JENNY:
Got any homework?

AARON:
A couple of lab reports.

JENNY:
Aw, sorry. When are they due?

AARON:
Two tomorrow, one Tuesday.

JENNY:
I hope it snows for your sake.

AARON:
Thanks.
(Pause. More silence, more waiting.)
Oh. Um, do you have any work?

JENNY:
Nope, I lucked out this week.

AARON:
Guess that happens in Elementary Ed.

JENNY:
What does?

AARON:
A free week.

JENNY:
Oh. Yeah.

(Pause.)

AARON:
Gosh. Ok Jenny. Yes, he thought it was a date.

JENNY:
But it wasnít.

AARON:
Iím just the messenger. Or, not even the messenger. More like a tape recorder.

JENNY:
I miss high school.

AARON:
Me too.

JENNY:
What should I do?
(AARON shrugs.)
You know him better than me.

AARON:
Heís really emotional.

JENNY:
Yeah.
(Noticing MYSTERY MAN.)
Who is the homeless man on your couch?

AARON:
I donít know. Maybe the community office gave us the distinct pleasure of a triple without telling us. Either way, the dude is out cold.

JENNY:
Very odd. Heís kinda skeezy.

AARON:
Eh. No worse than Greg on weekends.
JENNY:
Well said. You seen him?

AARON:
Study lounge. Lines with Kelly.

JENNY:
Blech. Kelly. Sheís evil.

AARON:
Maybe.

JENNY:
Iíll talk to him after Satan leaves. Thanks for the advice.

AARON:
Anytime.

JENNY:
Ok. Well, have a good day, cutie.

AARON:
You too.

JENNY:
Smooches.

(Exit JENNY. AARON looks at his computer and sighs. He goes over to his keyboards, turns the amps on and manufactures a knock-off techno song. The phone rings. He stops playing and picks up.)

AARON:
Hello? Oh, hey Lanie. Sure you can come over, Iím just up here not doing work. Yeah, Iíll see you in a few. (AARON hangs up. Goes to his computer.) F equals M times V. M equals 8 g. V equals 15 m per s. Music plus physics equals headache. Lanie equals distraction. Music plus physics plus Lanie plus talent minus time equalsÖ

(AARON trails off. Enter GREG with the mail.)

GREG:
Hey man. Watcha doiní?

AARON:
Balancing equations.

GREG:
Oh, fun?

AARON:
(Caveman agreement.)
Ug.

GREG:
Anywho, mail call, man. One for you, looks like something from the lab.

AARON:
I canít deal with that right now.

GREG:
All right.
(GREG throws the letter on AARONís bed.)
Was Jenny here?

AARON:
Yeah, she find you?

GREG:
Nope, passing ships. Wanna work on the folk song?

AARON:
I gotta do these labs.

GREG:
Ah. Well, the other letterÖshit! Itís for me. Open it dude, I never get good news through the mail.

AARON:
Youíll never know if you donít open it.

GREG:
Some things you just know.

AARON:
Gosh. Fine, give it here.

(GREG hands him the letter. He begins to open it and reads.)

Oh shit, man, Iím sorry.

GREG:
What is it?

AARON:
Dude, I donít want to tell, itíll just prove your theory. I hate this self-fulfilling stuff.

GREG:
Please, just tell me.

AARON:
This is heavy. Just sit down for it.

(GREG sits in his chair.)

Ok, be prepared. Your grandmotherÖsent you twenty dollars for Hannukah!

GREG:
Damn you, Aaron.

AARON:
Guess your theory sucks.

GREG:
The exception that proves the rule, man. You bastard, get over here.

(GREG tries to grapple with AARON, but AARON escapes. GREG catches him and brings him to the ground where they tumble around for a few beats. Enter LANIE unnoticed.)

LANIE:
Gotta love the guy on guy action.

(GREG and AARON stop wrestling and look up at her panting and smiling.)

AARON:
Hey honey, we were just Ė

LANIE:
Proving your manhood, I know. I think itís called a dick duel.

GREG:
No, I believe itís a cock clash.

LANIE:
Aw, Greg. I hate that word.

GREG:
What?

LANIE:
Cock. Itís disgusting.

GREG:
But you just said Ė

AARON:
You gonna hug your boyfriend?

LANIE:
Of course.

(LANIE hugs AARON, gives him a cheek peck.)

GREG:
You gonna hug your boyfriendís roommate?

AARON:
Hey.

LANIE:
I donít know, Greg.

GREG:
Donít I get special privileges for introducing the lovely couple.

LANIE:
Oh, alright, you fine looking man.

GREG:
Oh baby.
(They hug. Over LANIEís shoulder, GREG sticks his tongue out at AARON.)
See Aaron. Only drama people can give real hugs.

LANIE:
Letís not talk about drama.

GREG:
Oh yeah, callbacks were yesterday werenít they?

LANIE:
Yes they were.

AARON:
Did you get cast?

LANIE:
I said, letís not talk about it.

GREG:
Ooh, sounds like she got a lead.

LANIE:
Shut up, Greg.

AARON:
Yeah, shut up.

GREG:
Iím sorry, babe, I really am. Itís tough getting cast first year.

LANIE:
I know.

GREG:
(Grabbing bookbag.)
Look, I gotta do some work. Next time, we can do some audition practice. Just you and me.

LANIE:
Thanks sexy.

(GREG kisses her on the cheek and heads to the door.)

GREG:
I think the next song you write, Aaron, should be about an angel.

LANIE:
(Fake.)
Awww.

AARON:
(Faker.)
Awww.

(GREG smiles and exits.)

AARON:
You drama people are shameless.

LANIE:
You know what, to hell with him. To hell with the directors and the producers for picking mostly male shows. To hell with the friends of the directors who suck and get cast. To hell with the seniors who get cast by default. To hell with the fake smiles and the less than helping hands. To hell with the drama department of North Carolina University. I wish Iíd gotten into NYU.

AARON:
Then you wouldnít have met me.

LANIE:
True.

AARON:
Youíre cute when youíre ranting.

LANIE:
Thatís what they say.

AARON:
Hey Lanie.
(Singing.)
I think weíre alone now.

LANIE:
(Singing.)
There doesnít seem to be anyone around.

(They kiss and the sheet falls off of MYSTERY MAN. Lanie sees him and screams.)

LANIE:
What the hell!

AARON:
Donít worry about it. Heís just here. He hasnít moved since heís gotten here.

LANIE:
Whyíd you put a sheet on him?

AARON:
I didnít want you to freak out.

LANIE:
Aw, thatís sweet. That deserves a kiss in front of a weird stranger if you ask me.
(LANIE moves toward AARON. They kiss.)

Mmm, letís playÖMario Kart.

AARON:
Alright.

LANIE:
I call Donkey Kong, Jr.

(LANIE saunters over to the TV and puts the cartridge in the SNES.)

AARON:
(Laughs.)
You always need the big bruiser.

LANIE:
I guess I like it rough.

AARON:
Youíre horrible.

LANIE:
Come on, you wanna take me on? Star cup?

AARON:
Donít you think we could go a bit further?

LANIE:
What do you want? Special cup?

AARON:
How about, coed-naked cup?

LANIE:
Wow. That was almost clever.

AARON:
Guess the roommateís rubbing off on me.

LANIE:
Sounds sexy.

AARON:
You know, I think you flirt with him too much.

LANIE:
Oh, donít be angry Ė Rainbow Road ok, Super Stud?

AARON:
Yup Ė Itís just hard Ė I feel like, umÖ

LANIE:
Like, umÖ?

AARON:
Like, whatís between me and you is the same as you and him, except I get the problems dumped on me.

(Pause.)

LANIE:
Aw, sweety Ė choose your driver.

AARON:
Donít change the subject Ė Koopa Troopa.

LANIE:
Look, the blowjobs I give Greg are much worse than the ones I give you.

AARON:
Aw Ė come on.

LANIE:
Alright, the fallatio is equal.

AARON:
You. Quit it.

LANIE:
Fine Ė youíre going down, turtle.

AARON:
Not this time Ė but for real, weíve been together four months Ė damn, spun out.

LANIE:
More like three, guys always round Ė look whoís in eighth place.

AARON:
Iím catching up Ė Lanie, I feel like sometimes weíre stuck at a point Ė sixth place Ė a point we can move up from and Ė fourth place Ė and become something greater.

LANIE:
Something greater? I donít Ė itís nice up here in first.

AARON:
You know how I used to play a lot of Role Playing video games.

LANIE:
Yeah, you nerd.

AARON:
Right. So in those games, you would beat up bad guys and get experience for it. When you had enough exper Ė Come on red turtle Ė when you had enough experience you would level up, like from twelve to thirteen. Once you leveled up Ė damn green shell - youíd be stronger and could go out and fight tougher baddies.

LANIE:
So, youíre saying sex, would ďlevel me up?Ē

AARON:
Exactly.

LANIE:
And it would allow me to fight tougher ďbaddies?Ē

AARON:
Well, not just that. It would open up new doors to you Ė Yes! Red turtle - maybe it would allow you to do new things like whistle, or sing Ė ha, gotcha!

LANIE:
Shit!

AARON:
Or maybe, get a part in a play here.

LANIE:
I donít think I havenít gotten into a play because Iím a virgin.

AARON:
I donít think that either. But maybe itís a roadblock on some life path of yours.

LANIE:
How do you know this?

AARON:
I know that I donít know anything about this. But, just look at Jenny.

LANIE:
Oh, well, sheís a different kind of virgin than me.

AARON:
But you both are standing still Ė come on mushroom - she canít Ė Alright second place Ė she canít get into a good relationship because she canít get passed her mentality - yes, mushroom!

(Pause.)

LANIE:
So, you think that sex will solve her problem?

AARON:
I think something big needs to solve her - hereís the big jump!
(Pause. AARON makes the jump and wins.)
Yes!

LANIE:
Holy shit. Youíve never beaten me on Rainbow Road.

AARON:
Hell yes!

LANIE:
So, does something big needs to solve my problem, too?

AARON:
No, nothing big. Just me.

(Pause. They kiss.)

AARON:
Iím sorry you didnít get a part.

LANIE:
Iím sorry Iíve been so stubborn.

(They kiss again letting the controllers fall to the ground.)

AARON:
Forgiven.

(They kiss more passionately and start undressing. The koopa trooper celebration music continues on as the lights fade out. End of Act 1.)


ACT 2

(Lights up on Mangum 310. It is late Sunday afternoon. Lanie and Aaron are together in his bed half-naked and asleep. The MYSTERY MAN is still asleep and motionless on the futon. The phone rings four times and the answering machine comes up.)

HOLLY:
(On phone.)
Hey, this is Holly for Greg and Aaron and anybody else. There is a big party tonight at the Brothel, probably the hugest of the year. Get that fruity friend of yours to come too. All right, you know the number. Peace out.

(HOLLY hangs up on her end. Enter JENNY looking at AARON and LANIE. She sighs admiringly and hums to herself.)

JEREMY:
(Offstage.)
Itíll be a love that lasts forever,
If you picked me youíd be clever.
Gosh. That sucks.

(Enter JEREMY. JEREMY and JENNY eye each other and are startled. Five beats of silence.)

JEREMY:
Hey.

JENNY:
Hey.

JEREMY:
You Ok?

JENNY:
Sure. I mean, yes. You?

JEREMY:
Iím fine. Hey, about last night Ė

JENNY:
Donít they look peaceful.

(Pause.)

JEREMY:
Yeah, they do.

JENNY:
Itís like out of a Disney movie.

JEREMY:
I guess so.

JENNY:
Theyíre just so sweet and pure.

JEREMY:
Yeah. You didnít have to hear them from down the hall.

JENNY:
What?

JEREMY:
Not important. Look, Jenny, Iíve been thinking about you all day.

JENNY:
Thatís sweet.

JEREMY:
And I was talking to Aaron earlier Ė

JENNY:
Me too.

JEREMY:
What?

JENNY:
I talked to him too.

JEREMY:
When?

JENNY:
This morning.

JEREMY:
Oh.

JENNY:
When did you?

JEREMY:
This morning.
(Pause.)
Anyway Ė

JENNY:
Whatíd he say?

JEREMY:
Um. Not much. Well, there was this one thingÖnah.

JENNY:
What was it?

JEREMY:
He made fun of you for acting young.

JENNY:
Oh.

JEREMY:
Yeah.

JENNY:
Thatís kind of mean.

JEREMY:
Thatís what I thought. Did he say anything about me?

JENNY:
No.

JEREMY:
Ok.

JENNY:
I gotta go.

(JENNY starts heading to the door.)

JEREMY:
Can you help me with a paper later?

JENNY:
SureÖfive?

JEREMY:
Ok. See you then.

(JEREMY initiates an awkward hug.)

JENNY:
Smooches.

(Exit JENNY.)

JEREMY:
(Slightly annoyed, quietly.)
Iíll play for you the rest of time,
And you can kiss me for every rhyme.
(He sighs.)
Better, but not quite -

(Enter GREG and KELLY with linked arms, laughing.)

GREG:
Hey Jeremy, whatís shakiní?

JEREMY:
Not much, I was just chatting with Jenny.

KELLY:
Yeah, I saw her on my way up. She lookedÖpuzzled.

JEREMY:
I guess I have that effect on women.

KELLY:
I wouldnít say that you ever puzzled me.

(Pause.)

GREG:
What does that mean?

KELLY:
Nothing.

GREG:
So, you two know each other?

KELLY:
Yeah.

JEREMY:
Yeah.

GREG:
From?

KELLY:
The London trip this summer.

GREG:
I didnít know that. You two get along?

JEREMY:
Part of the time.

(Pause.)

GREG:
Oh. Ok.

JEREMY:
Yeah, I better Ė

GREG:
You two hook-up or something?

JEREMY:
Sorta.

GREG:
Ah. I thought youíd only been with Andrew.

KELLY:
Yeah. I have only been with Andrew.

GREG:
But he said Ė

JEREMY:
What the fuck?

KELLY:
It was just a couple of stupid nights.

JEREMY:
Wow. You have no heart.

KELLY:
Well, nobody wants yours.

JEREMY:
You bitch. I Ė

(JEREMY exits quickly.)

SETH:
(Offstage.)
Watch out for the foot-

(Sound of a football nailing JEREMY in the stomach, a big groan from him and other people in the hallway. Then a lot of laughter. Enter Seth.)

SETH:
Man, that football just nailed him in the chest. I hope heís Ok, we were just messing around. He went to his room crying, it didnít seem like it hit him that hard.

KELLY:
I need to get to those tests. Then I have to go put up the rest of the set and then I have to go to the lab and finish some cell cultures and then Ė

GREG:
No explanations necessary, I already believe you have ten times as much work as me. You really hurt Jeremy.

KELLY:
I didnít mean to. I know Iím not normal with this stuff. You shouldnít Ė (looking at SETH) weíll talk about this later. Please, donít hate me.

(KELLY kisses him on the cheek and looks away from the glance of SETH and exits.)

GREG:
I donít hate you.

SETH:
Wow, sheís a hottie.

GREG:
Yeah.

SETH:
She yours?

GREG:
A prospect of sorts.

SETH:
Nice, man. You are such a pimp. Anyway, I thought Iíd give you a little invite to a multiplayer Internet game of Halo Deathmatch.

GREG:
I donít know man, I should probably try to get my work done.

SETH:
Aw, come on, Greg. You sound sad. The only way to beat that is with some blood lusty gun slinging. Besides, you always have rehearsal; you never get to hang out with the hall.

GREG:
Being in a play, man, itís like a job.

SETH:
A job where you smooch girls and rule worlds. A job where you get money and power and where people clap because youíve made them happy.

GREG:
Not always.

SETH:
They always clap dude. All Iím saying is, thatís the kind of job Iíd like. So, youíve got no excuse. Come on; just hang out with us this once.

GREG:
Hell, whatís another hour?

SETH:
Good man. Hey, tell me how you get babes like that.

GREG:
Drama.

(They exit. The MYSTERY MAN makes a high-pitched yawn and rolls over. AARON sits up with a jolt. He looks at LANIE and then jumps off of his bed to the floor and turns on one of his keyboards. He listens intently to the room. LANIE yawns and AARON plays a note that matches the yawn. Then he plays a few more. He puts on his headphones and starts a recording program on his computer. He plays like a madman. LANIE wakes up and sees AARON below her. She smiles and goes over to the edge of the bed. She puts her shirt on and climbs down. She sits in GREGís chair and starts typing on his computer. Cheers are heard from the hallway.)

STEVE:
(Off.)
Greg, you ass, you shot me in the back!

GREG:
(Off.)
Never trust a drama major!

SETH:
(Off.)
You are the man.

(LANIE continues on the Internet. Pause. Her mouth opens wide and her eyes light up. She gets up and starts prodding AARON.)

LANIE:
I got a part!

(AARON doesnít respond.)

Someone dropped out and I got a part!

(AARON still continues to play.)

Damn it, Aaron!

(LANIE punches AARON.)

Listen to me.

(AARON takes off his headphones.)

AARON:
Oh, what? Sorry.

LANIE:
I got a part.

AARON:
Aw, Lanie. Congratulations.

(AARON gives her a hug, but only goes as far as her headphones will let him.)

LANIE:
Letís do a Special Cup to celebrate.

AARON:
Um. Can we put that off till later?

LANIE:
Why?

AARON:
Iíve got this song running through my head. Itís incredible, like nothing Iíve ever thought of.

LANIE:
Oooh. Sounds like we both finally got some fucking luck.

(Goes to kiss him, he turns slightly.)

AARON:
Can I work on this now? I donít want to lose it.

LANIE:
Sure. Iíll just play alone.

AARON:
Great.

(AARON puts back on the headphones. LANIE sits down and plays Kart. She canít concentrate on the game, she keeps looking over at AARON. She goes over to him.)

LANIE:
Aaron.
(She prods him.)
Aaron.


AARON:
(Taking off headphones.)
What?

LANIE:
Couldnít we just play one cup?

AARON:
No, I gotta do this.

LANIE:
(Touching him.)
One race? My big chested Ė

AARON:
Not now. Some other time. Something like this goes through Ė and no more physics.

LANIE:
Because of a song?

AARON:
Itís more than that. No time to explain. Iíll call you later.

(AARON kisses her on the forehead, puts on his headphones. LANIE turns off the game and heads to the door. She turns back.)

LANIE:
Ok. Iíll just go and get my part. Rainbow Road.

(LANIE exits. AARON continues to play. A letter gets slipped under the door. Enter GREG.)

GREG:
Holy crap, Aaron. That was awesome, getting so zoned in and focused on the screen. Chilling with the guys on the hall, and they are pretty cool. I know I have work to do but it doesnít matter.
(GREG notices AARON is playing.)
Oh, youíre playing. I might as well be in another state.
(He notices the letter.)
Well, hello.
(He picks it up.)
Hmm, itís for me. Hey Aaron!
(AARON doesnít acknowledge him.)
Guess he wonít help. What about you, fella? (Addressing the MYSTERY MAN. There is no response.)
Guess Iíll just have to wait it out.

(GREG sits down at his chair, takes a book out of his bookcase. The plastic cover is still on it. As he begins to try to get it off, PEACH enters.)

PEACH:
Holy crap, Greg. She wonít leave me alone.

GREG:
Who wonít?

HOLLY:
(Offstage)
The Queen of England.

(Enter HOLLY.)

Come on apple pie, this party is gonna be the event of the year. Remember that party where you just stared at the lava lamp for three hours. Well, thisíll be ten times more fun and ten times more drunk.


PEACH:
The lava lamp party was a one-time thing. Iím just not interested in going to the party. I need to work on this role.

HOLLY:
Weíll make it a character party then. Just come, man.

PEACH:
Those parties are all the same anyway.

HOLLY:
I know sometimes it feels like that, but they all give you a chance to rest.

GREG:
What do you need a rest from?

HOLLY:
Life. People. Myself. Itís just nice to take a break for a while.

PEACH:
Itís not a break if thatís what you do more than half of the time.

HOLLY:
Touchť.

GREG:
(Picking up the envelope.)
Can you open this, Holly? You know how I Ė

HOLLY:
Have no penis? Sure, give it to me.
(Holly takes the letter and opens it. She reads it over.)


PEACH:
I bet it wouldnít be any different if I wasnít there. Itís not that I donít want to have fun, Holly, itís just that right now, Iím pretty damn comfortable in my role. I donít want anything major to shake me out of it.

HOLLY:
According to this, there are three talent agents coming to see your show on Friday.

GREG:
What? Who is that from?

HOLLY:
Your director.

(PEACH begins to look pale.)

GREG:
Wow, I really need to start doing character work.

HOLLY:
Are you Ok, lemon boy?

PEACH:
(Yelling.)
Talent agents? I wasnít ready for agents!

HOLLY:
Calm down.

GREG:
Yeah, Peach. Aaron is trying to do work, besides, itís not a big deal.

PEACH:
(Still yelling and ascending.)
Not a big deal? This is the rest of my life weíre talking about. Itís my career! You may be ready to fail in school and life, but not me. Iím not perfect yet. This role isnít perfect yet. Iíve worked hard but I know I can work harder. There are so many unturned stones. I donít think Iíve shaken it hard enough, there is so much moreÖ
(PEACH is now pure white and begins to stumble.)
So much more.

(PEACH begins to fall and HOLLY catches him. AARON stops playing and begins to pack up his keyboard and laptop.)

AARON:
You guys donít know anything about inspiration. Iím gonna do this somewhere else. Bye.

(AARON exits with his keyboard and laptop.)

HOLLY:
Well, Iím inspired to punch him in the face. He didnít even look at poor banana.

PEACH:
(Feebly)
Itís Peach.

HOLLY:
Oh, itís all just fruit to me.
(Puts PEACHís arm over her shoulder.)
Youíve just had a nervous breakdown, baby.

PEACH:
(Feebly)
I did?

HOLLY:
Yes you did. Only one way to cure the after effects.
(Winks at GREG.)
Are you coming hot shot?

GREG:
Hey, even though Iím not having a fit over the agents. Iím still nervous as hell. I really have to figure out this role.

HOLLY:
Suit yourself. Come on, Kiwi, letís blow this Popsicle stand.

PEACH:
My name is Ė

HOLLY:
I know, Peachy.

(HOLLY drags PEACH out of the room. GREG paces back and forth for a minute. He looks at the MYSTERY MAN and pauses. He goes back to pacing. There is a knock at the door. GREG doesnít acknowledge it and continues pacing. JENNY pokes her head around and enters halfway.)

JENNY:
Hey Greg, do you have a sec?

GREG:
Yeah, but not too long. Iíve gotta work on Vanya. Whatís eating you, Jenny-Henny?

JENNY:
You havenít called me that in a while.

GREG:
Old habits. Whatís eating you?

JENNY:
Oh. Nothing really. I just wanted to talk.

GREG:
(Smiles.)
About anyone in particular?

JENNY:
No, I just wanted Ė

GREG:
You can say it.

JENNY:
Say what?

GREG:
Donít be a dumbass. I know, you know, and the crusty guy on the futon knows.

JENNY:
What should I do about Jeremy?

GREG:
Gosh. That sounded like a weight off your shoulders

JENNY:
The way he looks at me, it makes me feel chilly.

GREG:
You are being so young and stupid about this.

JENNY:
Young and stupid?

GREG:
Yes.

JENNY:
You, my friend, are a hypocrite.

GREG:
How?

JENNY:
All your Kelly crap. What have you done about that?

GREG:
Nothing.

JENNY:
Why do you even like her? Sheís no cuter than any other OCD control freak here.

GREG:
Everybody judges her. But on the inside, sheís so loyal and great and special Ė

JENNY:
Loyal to what?

GREG:
Everything she has as a priority.

JENNY:
Ok.

GREG:
Look. In high school, her sis died and her parents got wacky. She took over everything, she had to.

JENNY:
Iíll admit thatís sad, but Ė

GREG:
But what?

JENNY:
It doesnít seem worth it. Sheís mean to everybody. Even you most of the time.

GREG:
I just have a feeling itís right.

JENNY:
She always talks about that other guy.

GREG:
I know.

(Pause.)

JENNY:
Well, I better go. Iím helping Jeremy with an essay later. Gotta do some work.

GREG:
So do you like him?

JENNY:
I donít know.

GREG:
You are such a kid.

JENNY:
I am not a kid!

GREG:
Itís gonna take you another five years before you let someone in.

JENNY:
Shut up.

GREG:
Married at forty. Kids at fifty. At least youíll have the little ones to play with in first grade.

JENNY:
Enough!

GREG:
Maybe youíll meet a boy at recess.

JENNY:
Fuck you!

(JENNY exits.)

GREG:
(To JENNY as she leaves.)
Iím only saying it because I care. Jenny. Wait.

(GREG exits. A few beats of silence.)

SETH:
(Offstage.)
Watch out for the foot Ė

(Sound of a football nailing somebody in the stomach.)

STEVE:
(Offstage.)
Ow!

SETH:
(Offstage.)
Sorry Steve.

(GREG re-enters. Pulls out his script and starts pacing back and forth. He mumbles some indecipherable lines to himself and repeats them over and over again. He sighs. He walks over to the futon, looks at MYSTERY MAN, then at the floor. He lays down on the ground and puts the script on his face. Enter LANIE, crying.)

LANIE:
I hate everything.

(LANIE bursts through, GREG pulls the script off his face and sits up. LANIE pulls a blanket off of AARONís bed, collapses into the executive chair and wraps herself in the blanket.)

GREG:
Hey, whatís wrong, baby doll?

LANIE:
I Ė IÖI got shafted, thatís what.

GREG:
Shafted how?

LANIE:
(Sniffling, still crying.)
They said I had a partÖ

GREG:
Yeah?

LANIE:
And they took it away.

(LANIE completely loses it and collapses to the ground. GREG comforts her.)

GREG:
Aww, baby.

LANIE:
This always happens to me.

GREG:
What does?

LANIE:
I deserve something and I donít get it.

GREG:
Your timeíll come, hun.

LANIE:
Itíll never happen. Iíll never get a part.

GREG:
Yeah you will. Youíre talented.

LANIE:
You really think so.

GREG:
Of course you are.

LANIE:
But, youíve never seen me act.

GREG:
Well, there are some things you can just tell.

LANIE:
Really?

GREG:
Youíve got so much potential. I just know that youíll be getting leads every time. No problem.

LANIE:
Greg. Youíre so sweet.

(LANIE kisses GREG on the cheek.)

GREG:
And so are you.

(GREG kisses LANIE on the cheek. LANIE kisses GREG on the mouth. He kisses back. A moment of awkwardness.)

GREG:
Iím not Aaron.

LANIE:
If you were, I wouldnít kiss you.

GREG:
What?

LANIE:
Nothing, just hold me.

GREG:
Alright.

(He holds her.)

LANIE:
Call me talented again.

GREG:
You are the most talented actress at NCU.

LANIE:
Tell me Iím worth it.

GREG:
A man would risk death to be with you.

LANIE:
Tell me you love me.

GREG:
This isnít right.

LANIE:
Do you want me?

GREG:
We should stop.

LANIE:
I just want you to answer.

GREG:
Yes.

LANIE:
You can have anything and everything you want from me.

GREG:
I think I read that in a play once.

LANIE:
Ever read this?

(LANIE kisses GREG and he gives in big time.)

GREG:
Youíre a good kisser.

LANIE:
Iím talented.

GREG:
I canít Ė I just Ė I want toÖwhy?

LANIE:
Because I love you.

(They kiss and they start taking clothes off. It begins to snow outside. They go under his motherís quilt. The MYSTERY MAN stirs. Lights down, End of Act 2.)

INTERMISSION!

The rest is coming soon!

CohenFridge
March 22, 2004, 02:11 AM
ACT 3
(All the same except LANIE is now in GREGís bed instead of AARONís. They are asleep under the covers. AARONís blanket is still on the ground. It is now Sunday evening. The faint sound of Christian guitar music wafts down the hall, followed by a chorus of groans. The snow is coming down harder. The MYSTERY MAN does not move. The phone rings. Rings. Rings. Rings. Stops. AARON and LANIE do not budge. The phone rings. Rings. Rings. Rings. Enter AARON quickly. He picks up the phone.)



AARON:
(As he lugs in his laptop and keyboard.)
Hello? Oh, hey dadÖIím the best Iíve ever beenÖWell, I mean that Iím dropping my physics majorÖI donít need itÖno I donítÖwhy?Ölove, thatís why.
(Notices the blanket.)
What the hell?Öno, someone just messed with my bedÖweirdÖI donít need to talk it over with you and momÖif we have school tomorrow, Iím gonna go over to advising andÖyou donít have to be worried. Look, Iíll call later. Iíve got some well deserved relaxing to doÖyesÖditto. Bye.
(AARON hangs up. The Christian music grows louder as do the groans. AARON laughs.)
Christians.

(GREG wakes up and pokes his head out of the sheets.)

GREG:
(Groggy.)
Aaron?

AARON:
Hey there, sleepy head.

(AARON starts putting his keyboard and laptop back in place.)

Have a good nap?

GREG:
Um, yeah. Where were you?

AARON:
I just wrote the most incredible piece of music. It combines elements of blues, jazz, rap; so many that I canít even begin to describe it.

GREG:
Whoa! Thatís awesome. Howíd you come up with it?


AARON:
It just came to me.

GREG:
Thatís how you get the bestÖ
(Trails off.)

AARON:
Whatís wrong?

GREG:
I think I understand my part. Holy shit. This is just what happened Ė Ha! Suck my balls, Chekov! Iíve got to get to the theatre to try this out.
(GREG jumps out of the bed, puts a pair of pants and some shoes on and goes toward the door.)
You two can work this out. Iíll be back.

(GREG exits.)

AARON:
Work what out?
(AARON creeps over to the bed, stands on his tiptoes and sees a shape moving under the covers. He pulls himself up to the bed.)
Lanie?
(LANIE screams. AARON falls back to the ground.)
What did you do?

LANIE:
(Getting out from under the covers.)
Where did Greg go?

AARON:
What?

LANIE:
I asked where Greg went.

AARON:
You mean after you had sex with him?

LANIE:
Yes.

(Pause.)

GREG:
He went to the theatre.

LANIE:
My part got taken away.

AARON:
Wait. Are you actually trying to justify this?

LANIE:
(Starts getting down.)
Baby Ė

AARON:
No pet names. No sexy talk. No justification.

LANIE:
Howís your song?

AARON:
What?

LANIE:
Your song that was so important that you couldnít play one race.

AARON:
Itís fantastic. Iím glad youíre being supportive.

LANIE:
Do you want me to go?

AARON:
Yes.
(LANIE gets down off GREGís bed. Pops the game cartridge, Super Mario Kart, out of the SNES and promptly smashes it on the wall. She exits.)
What the fuck? Greg.

(AARON exits quickly. A few beats of silence. Enter JENNY, very drunk.)

JENNY:
Hey Aaron. Hey Greg. Where are you, you fuckers? Thatís right, Jenny can use the big words like you, you sons-of-bitches. Yeah, I can drink and swear and fuck. I fucked him for you, Greg. I was adult for you. Why couldnít you just be my friend?

(Enter PEACH, crashing through the door, piss drunk and in ďcharacter.Ē)

Greg, is that you?

PEACH:
It is only me, my Yelena, Mikhail is not here.

JENNY:
Greg?

PEACH:
I love you so much, Yelena.

(PEACH comes close to JENNY and touches her face.)

JENNY:
Greg, why couldnít you just help me?

PEACH:
Forget the Doctor. Please love me.

JENNY:
How can I get it back, Greg? How can I trust people again?

PEACH:
Yelena, you can trust me.

(JENNY and PEACH begin to kiss, slowly and passionately.)

HOLLY:
(Offstage.)
Now thatís what I call a character party.
(She enters.)
Ah ha, still in character I see. Wow, this probably isnít good for business.
(HOLLY separates them.)
Holy shit! Jenny?

JENNY:
I want it back, Greg.

PEACH:
Oh, Yelena.

(PEACH runs after JENNY. HOLLY punches PEACH in the face, knocking him to the ground. PEACH is out cold. She holds JENNYís hands and examines her.)

HOLLY:
Oh no. Looks like somebody made your drinks a bit too hot to handle, my dear. Iíll get you some water.

(Exit HOLLY. JENNY visibly recovers a bit.)

JENNY:
I donít need water. I need to move.

(Exit JENNY. PEACH gets up and stumbles around. Enter GREG.)

GREG:
Peach! Are you Ok?

PEACH:
Astrov, you devil!
(PEACH swings at GREG, hits nothing but air and falls to the ground.)
You are younger and quicker but I deserve her, not you.

GREG:
Peach, I understand the play, I figured it out.

PEACH:
I hate you, Astrov!

(One last swing before he collapses into a heap on the ground. Enter KELLY.)

KELLY:
What the heck?

GREG:
I think Holly got him drunk.

(Enter HOLLY.)

HOLLY:
Guilty as charged. The boy needed to lighten up a little bit.

GREG:
Oh, heíll be light with all the puking heís gonna do tonight.

HOLLY:
Damn straight. Anywho, just wanted to show off my handwork. I better take him home.

(The sound of a laptop slowly powering down. AARONís laptop screen goes extremely dark.)

HOLLY:
Whoa, my ears are ringing.


KELLY:
No, I think thatís my watch alarm, I better get going.

GREG:
I thought it was a pager for a second, but I donít have one.

PEACH:
It was the voice of my sweet, sweet Yelena.

HOLLY:
Iím taking him home. Heíll feel horrible tomorrow but at least I got all of the nervousness out of him. Cheers.

(Exit HOLLY, dragging PEACH.)

KELLY:
So you guys heard about the talent scouts?

GREG:
Not only did I hear about them, but I figured out the play as well. Lines wonít be a problem anymore. Nor will blocking or projection, because I figured it out inside my body; inside my brain. Iíve never had that before, but something brought me to it.

KELLY:
What was that?

GREG:
Inspiration.

KELLY:
(Sarcastically)
Great.

GREG:
You donít believe in inspiration?

KELLY:
I believe in hard work, not abstract feelings so much. Hard work is less painful.

GREG:
An acting teacher I had once told me that the real deep stuff is painful but necessary to get to the top.

KELLY:
Then, I guess Iíll stay at the surface. Look, this isnít what I came here to talk about.

GREG:
What then?

KELLY:
Andrew is coming to visit tomorrow.

GREG:
The Andrew?

KELLY:
The infamous, the one and only.

GREG:
Why is he visiting?

KELLY:
He says he misses me and loves me. So he called me from the road and said that he was gonna be here tomorrow. What was I supposed to say?

GREG:
Well thereís ďdrive home you cheating creepĒ or ďif you come here Iíll get someone to beat you upĒ or ďno es el numero razon, adios,Ē but you never let the ex-boyfriend who you still love, who cheated on you profusely, anywhere near you. Your feelings are going to come back to the surface, Kel.

KELLY:
I do miss him.

GREG:
I wish you didnít.

KELLY:
Same here.

GREG:
(Goes close to her.)
What if someone were to help you?

KELLY:
With what?

GREG:
With forgetting him.

KELLY:
And what would that person do?

GREG:
Make you his.

(GREG goes to kiss her, KELLY pushes him away.)

KELLY:
No, that wonít work.

GREG:
Why?

KELLY:
Iíll pretend youíre Andrew. You donít want that.

GREG:
No, I donít care.

KELLY:
You wouldnít care?

GREG:
No. Please, Kelly. I want to do whatever is humanly possible for you.

KELLY:
I canít do that to you. I have to do this myself. I have to see Andrew. I have to go.

(KELLY exits. AARON enters.)

AARON:
There you are.
(HE closes the door and locks it.)
I thought you were in the theatre.

GREG:
It was locked. The snow. Whatíre you doing?

AARON:
Balancing equations.

(AARON charges at GREG. GREG hops over him and jumps on the executive chair.)

GREG:
What about our roommate contract?

(AARON pulls the chair down to the ground.)

AARON:
Void.

(AARON pounces, but GREG rolls over, gets up and runs to the futon. He jumps on it and tries to climb up to his bed.)

GREG:
Iím sorry!

(AARON jumps up, pulls GREG down and starts doing a jiu-jitsu-esque choke from behind.)

AARON:
Not good enough.

(AARON is choking him as there is a knock on the door. They stop struggling and listen.)

STEVE:
(Offstage.)
You guys in there?

AARON:
Yeah.

GREG:
(Choke talk.)
Yeah.
(AARON loosens his grip a bit.)
Yeah.

STEVE:
(Offstage.)
Weíre getting together a hall snowball fight. You want in?

AARON:
Weíre busy. But thanks.

STEVE:
Anytime boys. Next time, Greg, Iíll get you back.

GREG:
Yeah.
(Footsteps of STEVE leaving.)
Well, that was nice of him.

AARON:
Shut up!

(AARON rolls GREG over and does a camel clutch, reminiscent of WWE Hall of Famer Sgt. Slaughter. This move involves AARON sitting on GREGís back, putting his hands under GREGís chin and pulling.)

GREG:
Maybe I should find another place to sleep.

AARON:
Like a coffin.
(Choking continues. AARON notices the very dark laptop screen. He drops GREG and examines the screen.)
Did someone turn off my computer?

GREG:
I donít think so, I know I didnít.

(AARON tries to turn it on.)

AARON:
Itís not working.

GREG:
Battery?

AARON:
(Checking plug.)
Itís plugged in, it should be working.

GREG:
You can take it into campus repairs tomorrow, no big deal.

AARON:
Yes big deal. That composition I wrote is in here.

GREG:
You donít have it in your head?

AARON:
It was kind of an in the moment thing. Goddamn it! Iím taking it in right now and Iím staying till itís fixed. Thatís my life in there.

GREG:
Suit yourself. Thank goodness my acting knowledge is up here.
(GREG points to his head.)

AARON:
I hate you. Iíll be back. To kill you.

(AARON picks up the laptop and exits. Enter JEREMY, slightly out of it.)

JEREMY:
Holy shit, man. What happened to you?

(He goes over to GREG to help him up.)

GREG:
I got balanced.

JEREMY:
Oh. Ok.

GREG:
Whatís up?

JEREMY:
I was gonna ask if you saw Jenny.

GREG:
Not since earlier today. Why?

JEREMY:
Oh, no reason.

GREG:
Wow. You two are perfect for each other.

JEREMY:
Itís just, we were talking andÖ

GREG:
And?

JEREMY:
Well, she was pretty out of it. You know, tipsy?

GREG:
Jenny? Tipsy?

JEREMY:
Not so much tipsy as sloshed.

GREG:
What the hell? What happened?

JEREMY:
She started throwing herself at me.

GREG:
Jenny-Henny.

JEREMY:
AndÖI really like her, but that wasnít right. So, she got upset and ran out.

GREG:
Did you follow her?

JEREMY:
No. I wanted too, butÖI was drunk too.

GREG:
Oh. Smooth move, ex-lax. So where the hell is she?

JEREMY:
Like I said. I donít know.

GREG:
Gosh! Jenny drunk, Aaron choking me, Peach a mess, and Andrew Coble all at once.

JEREMY:
What about Andrew?

GREG:
Heís visiting Kelly.

JEREMY:
Sheíll never stop. Sheíll marry him.

GREG:
Not on my watch.

JEREMY:
I think youíll be watching forever.

GREG:
Enough. Go find Jenny, you tool.

JEREMY:
Fine. Donít do anything stupid.

(JEREMY exits. GREG sits in AARONís executive chair. He pulls out a cell phone and AARONís directory. He dials and waits.)

GREG:
Hi. Yes. Do you have an Andrew Coble staying thereÖchecks in late tonightÖthatís alright, Iíll just get him in the morningÖthanks, buh-bye.

(GREG hangs up. He smiles as the lights fade out. End Act 3.)


ACT 4
(Monday, late morning. The beds of AARON and GREG are empty. MYSTERY MAN is still motionless on the futon. Enter STEVE.)

STEVE:
Greg? Aaron? You guys here? Huh.

(Enter SETH.)

SETH:
Hey man. Whereíre the boys?

STEVE:
I donít know. I was looking for people to go in on a pizza with.

SETH:
Good thinking.

STEVE:
Want in?

SETH:
Sure man. Dude, listen to this.

STEVE:
Ok.

SETH:
So last night, Iím just chilliní in my room watching the Kentucky game and this chick comes in. Get this, sheís piss drunk.

STEVE:
Interesting.

SETH:
She starts getting all on me before I even have a chance to say anything.

STEVE:
What the hell, who was she?

SETH:
I donít know. I never got her name. I muted the game, turned out the lights, and we did it.

STEVE:
You did it? But she was drunk. Isnít that illegal?

SETH:
IllegalÖor awesome?

STEVE:
Youíre going to hell.

SETH:
For College Basketball and Sex at the same time? Itís worth it.

STEVE:
Nice. I guess they arenít coming back.

SETH:
Yeah. Prolly not. Gregís out pimping, no doubt.

(They start heading out.)

STEVE:
The girl still there?

SETH:
Nope. She skipped out before I woke up.

(They exit. A few beats. Enter GREG in athletic gear. Enter AARON, GREG starts. AARON sits down in his chair. He puts the laptop on his desk.)

AARON:
Itís lost. All of it.

GREG:
You sure itís busted?

AARON:
I took it to campus tech and they were still lost by the time they closed. I went to this all night computer place in Raleigh. They had six guys working on it. Two taking it apart, two researching and two for moral support. They were stumped. And Iíve been on a payphone with a rep from Dell for the last five hours. All he had to say was, ďIím sorry, sir. Sometimes things just die.Ē

GREG:
Techies.

AARON:
What are you doing?

GREG:
Getting ready.

AARON:
Getting ready for what?

GREG:
To beat up Kellyís boyfriend.

AARON:
Donít you mean, ex-boyfriend?

GREG:
Well, heís gonna be ex-living once I get through with him.

AARON:
Good.

GREG:
You gonna choke me again?

AARON:
Maybe.

(Pause. Enter HOLLY, slightly upset.)

HOLLY:
Well, little orange is in the hospital.

AARON:
What for?

GREG:
She got him hammered yesterday.

HOLLY:
Theyíre pumping all the little pulp right out of him.

GREG:
Is he going to be Ok for the play?

HOLLY:
Oh, a little alcohol poisoning never hurt anybody. Heíll be ready by rehearsal at the latest. But, as you saw yesterday, he has the role down quite well.

GREG:
Yeah, that was a bit frightening. Probably a good exercise though.

HOLLY:
Actors and their ďexercises.Ē Iím off. I have a paper to write.

AARON:
Lest my ears deceive me, Iíve never heard you say that before.

HOLLY:
The party stops if they kick you out. Ciao.

(Exit HOLLY.)

AARON:
Hey, I picked up the mail. Oneís for you; looks official. A scholarship perhaps?

GREG:
They give out scholarships for not doing work? I like the sound of it. You can open it.

AARON:
Oh no. Two positive letters in a row and youíre still balking. Open it.

GREG:
No. No way.

AARON:
Oh, come on.

GREG:
Itíll be bad. I just have bad letter karma.

AARON:
Look, Iíll open the letter from the lab I didnít want to from yesterday, if you open yours.

GREG:
I still donít know.

AARON:
Wanna die?

GREG:
No.

AARON:
Open it.

GREG:
Ok. But you go first.

AARON:
Fair enough.

(AARON puts down his stuff and picks up the letter from the previous day.)

GREG:
Good luck.

AARON:
(Laughs.)
Thanks man.
(Begins reading the letter to himself.)
Holy shit!

GREG:
What is it?

AARON:
Ok, so you know all that lab work I do in the physics department?


GREG:
Yes.

AARON:
Well, we do all this optical stuff. Lens making and whatnot. According to this, we are one of three departments in the whole country that make what we make.

GREG:
Right.

AARON:
Apparently, there are some advancements being made in the field with this telescope company in California. They want to up my hours and my pay to work hardcore on these lenses.

GREG:
How many hours? How much pay?

AARON:
Forty hours a week, twice as much as I used to make. Twenty an hour.

GREG:
Thatís a lot of money, and a lot of physics.

AARON:
It is a lot of physics. I donít think Iíd have time for music anymore.

GREG:
Donít ditch the music, man. Youíre so good at it.

AARON:
No. I was good. Everything went into the computer. What I did there is the best Iíll ever do.

GREG:
No way.

AARON:
I can feel it. I also feel like this is a good opportunity.

GREG:
But you can be the best.

AARON:
I think Iíve lost my opportunity to be the best, at anything.

GREG:
Youíve got talent. Just because youíve been inspired once and you lost it doesnít mean youíll never get it again.

AARON:
That may be true. Are you gonna open your letter now?

GREG:
Yes, but only to prove to you that one should have faith. I have faith in my art.
(GREG starts opening the letter.)
Faith in my craft and faith that things will work themselves out.
(Finishes opening the letter and begins to read.)

AARON:
A little speech like that deserves an academy award.

GREG:
(Reading.)
I donít think Iíll be getting one anytime soon.

AARON:
What?
(GREG throws down the letter.)
Whatís wrong?

GREG:
Nothing.

(JEREMY enters.)

JEREMY:
A-sharp, Greg. I found her.

AARON:
Who?

JEREMY:
Jenny.

AARON:
Whyíd you need to find her?

JEREMY:
Long story. Greg can tell you later. She wants to date.

AARON:
What? On the jungle gym?

JEREMY:
Screw you. She wants something realÖor something like that. I was too excited to really listen.

GREG:
Where is she?

JEREMY:
Asleep in my room. Sheíd been somewhere crying.

GREG:
It was really stupid what you did.

JEREMY:
Met Andrew yet?

GREG:
(Perks up.)
What? Where is he?

JEREMY:
Downstairs. Just a minute or two ago, I think.

GREG:
Heís going down.

AARON:
(Holding him up.)
Wait man. Even though you suck, I donít want you to Ė

GREG:
Fuck him, man! And fuck you, get out of my way!

(GREG and AARON scuffle.)

JEREMY:
Guys, quit it!

(JEREMY joins the scuffle. It escalates. The MYSTERY MAN sits up.)

MYSTERY MAN:
Stop!
(They stop fighting and look at him.)
All three of you are at a turning point. Where you go from here will determine your success, your love and your happiness. I will give you all a piece of your future. All three of you seek the girl that you are meant to be with. But to ensure that fate, you must seek them out with honesty and a willingness to share your minds. Anything else will deny them from your sides forever.

(The MYSTERY MAN exits.)
GREG:
(Wistfully.)
He left an imprint on the futon.

AARON:
(Sadly.)
Aw.

JEREMY:
What the hell? He was some vagrant on your futon.

AARON:
With some interesting stuff to say.

JEREMY:
Whatever. Iím just gonna go back to Jenny. Sheís mind. ďA willingness to share your mindsĒ my ass!

(JEREMY exits.)

AARON:
Heís my friend and all, but I donít think heís right for her.

GREG:
Only time.

(GREG sighs.)

AARON:
What is it? What he said?

GREG:
The letter. Iím ineligible.

AARON:
Shit man.

GREG:
No Vanya.

AARON:
Well, you have to admit. It serves you right.

GREG:
It does. Aaron, about Lanie Ė it wasnít her fault.

AARON:
You donít have to shelter her. She was dumb. You were dumb. Sheís young. Youíre stupid. It makes sense.

GREG:
If you really love her Ė

AARON:
I do.

GREG:
Then fix it.

AARON:
Iím gonna call her right now.

GREG:
Good.

AARON:
Can you be out of the room when she comes over?

GREG:
Sure dude.

(GREG and AARON do a man handshake/hug. AARON takes the room phone outside, while GREG pulls out his cell phone. He dials numbers and waits.)

GREG:
Meant to be with her. Success and love and happiness. Love and happiness. HonestyÖHello? Hey KellyÖI was wondering if you could come over in a little bit and we could talkÖI know Andrew is hereÖhe can wait outsideÖgood, Iíll see you in twentyÖbye.

(GREG hands up. Enter AARON.)

AARON:
Lanieíll be right over.

GREG:
She mad?

AARON:
Probably. Canít tell with those crafty actors.

GREG:
Sometimes even we canít tell. Aaron, Iíve got a question.

AARON:
Yeah?

GREG:
You wanna room next year?

AARON:
Even though I almost choked you to death?

GREG:
Any roommate has his drawbacks.

AARON:
One condition.

GREG:
Shoot.

AARON:
You ever touch Lanie again, and I will kill you in the most painful way possible.

GREG:
Deal.
(They shake on it. Enter LANIE.)
Thatís my cue.

(GREG nods to LANIE as he exits.)

LANIE:
So. Talk.

AARON:
I blew up at you because you blatantly cheated on me. But, you cheated on me because I ignorned you. We werenít right, but I donít want us to break up.

LANIE:
Iím going to NYU.

AARON:
That wasnít the response I expected.

LANIE:
I mean, eventually. First Iím gonna go back home, get more theatre credits, and re-apply there. And I wonít stop till I go.

AARON:
I love you.

LANIE:
Yeah.

AARON:
I really do.

LANIE:
I brought you something.
(She takes out a mint condition SNES Mario Kart Cartridge.)
Here.

AARON:
What the? Is this yours?

LANIE:
Yup.

AARON:
I canít take this.

LANIE:
Donít worry about it.
(She turns toward the door and starts walking.)
It gives me a reason to come back.

(She keeps going and exits. AARON ponders for a second. Enter GREG.)

GREG:
Aw, Mario Kart.
(AARON looks at GREG.)
Sorry, I was listening. Iím sure video games are better aphrodisiacs than chocolate.

AARON:
Kelly coming?

GREG:
Sheís on her way up.

GREG:
Thanks.

(Exit AARON. Enter KELLY.)

KELLY:
This gonna take long? Andrewís out in the cold.

GREG:
Do you really care about him?

KELLY:
I donít know anymore. I think so.

GREG:
I canít be in Vanya.

KELLY:
What do you mean?

GREG:
Iím ineligible.

KELLY:
What the fuck?!

GREG:
Iím sorry.

KELLY:
You screw up!

GREG:
I know.

KELLY:
How could you make my life so hard like that? What am I gonna do?

GREG:
It wasnít on purpose. Look, youíll figure it out. I want to help you figure something else out too.

KELLY:
Whatís that?

GREG:
I have some insider info.

KELLY:
About?

GREG:
Kelly. You and Andrew are meant to be together.

KELLY:
So you have info about fate? I donít believe Ė

GREG:
I believe in your happiness. You will only be happy with him. You have to be happy. I will no longer pursue you.

KELLY:
Oh. Ok. Can I go now?

GREG:
Yeah.
(She starts to exit.)
Oh, Kelly.

KELLY:
Yeah?

GREG:
I hope it works out.

KELLY:
Thanks.

(Exit KELLY. GREG looks at the door for a few moments. He turns out the lights. GREG climbs up to his bed, goes under his covers and tries to sleep. Lights fade. End of play.)

Jeff Sconce
March 23, 2004, 09:16 PM
GREG sounds totally sexy. I wish I had a man to stand up for me, like GREG.

For the love of INSERT DIETY, please give the old ending back.

Kit's Alter Ego
September 27, 2004, 04:59 AM
Congratulations to Bryan for getting this play chosen to be performed this semester!

Lab! Theatre Proudly Announces the Second Set of its 58th Season:
Stonewater Rapture, by Doug Wright
Directed by Carla Davis-Castro, Produced by Mike Harwood
October 29-November 2nd in the Center for Dramatic Art Studios

Mangum 310, by Bryan Cohen
Directed by Bryan Cohen, Produced by Tim Matson
November 19-23 in the Elizabeth Price Kenan Theatre

Angels in America: Millennium Approaches, by Tony Kushner
Directed by Courtney Garcia, Produced by Thomas Kingsley
December 3-6 in Historic Playmakers Theatre

Auditions are this Wed. and Thursday in Room 101 of the Center for
Dramatic Art! Sign up for a time slot on the call board in the CDA!
For more info, go to www.unc.edu/student/orgs/lab/auditioninfo.html.

Jeff Sconce
September 27, 2004, 10:46 PM
They're actually letting you do this? Wow, I was just being nice when I said I liked it. :twisted:
Did you put the good ending back? I really liked the good ending.

EDIT: I am, in fact, being facetious. Except for the part about the good ending. BRING BACK THE GOOD ENDING!