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Jennings
March 16, 2004, 04:27 PM
I'm just asking. It's the sort of thing that's set up very easily, you know. We can play for pride, which I'd prefer, since there are plenty of other ways to play for money.

If I get people telling me yes, I'll set it up tonight. But only if Ross participates.

L'il G
March 16, 2004, 05:14 PM
Yes.

Ross White
March 16, 2004, 05:35 PM
Originally, I said no, join Dan and Alia's pool, which is the best NCAA pool in the entire fucking world. Jennings then told me that his pool would be a free one, so I now endore this product or event.

You should still join Dan and Alia's pool, which is only $5 and is the best pool on earth. If you want to join, I will gladly give you their e-mail address if you PM me.

The details, a la Dan:
THE BRACKETS ARE OUT!

Today the NCAA Tournament Selection Committee announced the seedings and pairings for the 2004 NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament. 65 teams are in and will compete over the next three weeks for the national championship. It's gonna be great! Three weeks of upsets! Three weeks of dunks! Three weeks of Cinderellas and ten-page emails and angry coaches sweating profusely! Three weeks of great games, culminating, as usual, in victory for the University of North Carolina! I can't wait!

Therefore, it's my pleasure to invite you to join Dan and Alia's Seventh And Final Annual NCAA Tournament Pool.


FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT DAN AND ALIA'S SEVENTH AND FINAL ANNUAL NCAA TOURNAMENT POOL

Q: "Final"?
A: Yes! This is officially the last Pool I'll be running for the foreseeable future. Running the Pool is basically a full-time job, and my one full-time job (agent, Regal Literary) is about all I can handle. So it's your last chance to get in on the fun! After this year, you'll have to get your illegal gambling from local bookies and your all-day reading experiences from books.

Q: Dan, I don't care about basketball. Why should I join your Pool?
A: Well, do you like money?

Q: Sure.
A: Great! That's why. As ever, the Pool is not just for rabid basketball fans, or casual basketball aficionados, or even people who can identify a basketball in less than three guesses. Previous entrants include many folks who don't care a whit about sports, not to mention monkeys, fetuses, my late grandmother, and UN weapons inspector Hans Blix.

Q: But I don't know enough about basketball to have a fighting chance, do I?
A: Don't be so certain! Anyone can win the Pool! In two of the first three years of the Pool, money was won by a _dog_. So why not you?

Q: Why else should I join the Pool?
A: The Pool, through seven years and 1089K of email, has never really been about basketball. It's been about:
-shrimp wrapped in bacon
-the Vowel Picking System
-the wily Mickey Rooney
-American Film Masterpieces: "Revenge of the Nerds"
-the saga of the Cheerleader Poet
-my father, dressed as a bratwurst
-the lottery winnings of James Sensenbrenner (R-WI)
-the invention of gum by Satan
-our first child, Literally Furious Smith-Kois
-Fat Naked Baby in a Teacup

Which is to say, the Pool is about jokes. So if you don't like jokes, or money, or basketball, don't join the Pool. Everyone else should have a great time.

Q: How many people will be in the Pool?
A: Last year we had 138 people, from 18 states and three foreign countries.

Q: The last two years, you picked the University of North Carolina to win the NCAA Tournament even though they weren't even in it. Who's going to win the NCAA Tournament this year?
A: The University of North Carolina.

Q: I have a friend I want to tell about the Pool. Can I forward this email to him or her?
A: Is your ambiguously-gendered friend employed by the Department of Justice?

Q: No.
A: Then sure.

Q: What are you going to write about this year?
A: Who knows? I will certainly spend a lot of time talking about my experience auditioning for ESPN's "Dream Job" reality show; aside from that, I can't imagine.

Q: You auditioned for "Dream Job"? Did you meet Quigs?
A: You'll have to join the Pool to find out.


THE RULES, AGAIN

Scoring:

for each winner you correctly pick in the:
1st round: 1 point
2nd round: 2 pts
3rd round: 4 pts
4th round: 6 pts
5th round (Final Four): 8 pts
correctly pick the champ: 10 pts

BONUS: If a #16 seed beats a #1 seed, and you predict it, you get 25 bonus points. This will never happen.

1st prize: 21% of entry money
2nd prize: 13% of entry money
3rd prize: 12% of entry money
4th prize: 11% of entry money
5th prize: 10% of entry money
6th prize: 9% of entry money
7th prize: 8% of entry money
8th prize: 7% of entry money
9th prize: 6% of entry money
10th prize: 5% of entry money
11th prize is you're fired.

There are no tie-breakers. We encourage ties, as ties mean more people earn money, and money makes people happy, in our experience.

RULE CHANGE: Last year, the last-place finisher received a free entry into this year's Pool. (And ignominy, MAC ROGERS.) As there will be no Eighth Annual Pool, this year's last-place finisher will receive his or her five dollars back in the mail, preferably slipped into some kind of greeting card that has one of those microchips in it that generates the sound of laughter when you open the card.

RULE CHANGE: You may submit ONLY ONE bracket to the Pool. Exceptions to this rule may be made if you give me a really good reason.


GETTING US YOUR BRACKET

So get your bracket in soon! Remember, all brackets must be faxed, emailed, mailed, or handed to one of us in person before tip-off Thursday afternoon.

VERY IMPORTANT!!!!!! Please include the following information on your bracket:
Name
Email address
City/state
School affiliation, if any

Email:
to an address you have to get via PMing ross

Fax:
Faxing is discouraged. If you absolutely must send via fax, email me for a fax number.

Snail mail (postmarked no later than Wednesday):
available from Ross
Please write in huge letters on the envelope: "ATTENTION FEDERAL POST OFFICE EMPLOYEE: ILLEGAL GAMBLING DOCUMENTS ENCLOSED."

You'll be able to find blank brackets all over the place, but a good bracket to use is located at the following URL. It is a Rich Text file, which can be opened via MS Word or a similar word-processing program.
http://www.dankois.com/images/pool/2004bracket.rtf

And if you're entering over email, an email bracket is included at the bottom of this message for your entering convenience.


GETTING US YOUR MONEY

Again, the cost of The Pool is five dolla. Checks are fine as long as they don't bounce. Cash is fine too. Credit cards are great, but you have to send the actual card in the mail. Not just the number: the actual card. I will then go to Sylvia's Soul Food Restaurant in Harlem, deliberate between brunch item #1 (fried chicken) and brunch item #3 (fried pork chop), order brunch item #4 (fried chicken AND fried pork chop), and charge it on your credit card.

Our address: Ha, not gonna get that unless you PM ross..

In addition, you can pay for The Pool online! I've signed up on PayPal (www.paypal.com), a website that basically works like Western Union online. If you like, you can sign up for PayPal service and, using your credit card or direct withdrawal from your bank account, send us five e-dolla. It's a very safe site, from all I've read, as long as you're not using it for anything illegal like a gambling ring. My username for PayPal is my email address, which Ross will give you.



ABOUT THE PLAY-IN GAME

Due to the recent addition of a new conference, 65 teams (instead of the logical 64) have been invited to the NCAA Tournament. The two least-impressive teams in the bunch -- the 64th and 65th best, basically -- will have to play each other on Tuesday in beautiful Dayton, Ohio, just to make it to the first round as a #16 seed, where the winner will immediately be crushed by Kentucky, the #1 seed in their region. This year, those teams are Lehigh and Florida A&M, both eensy-weensy schools from eensy-weensier conferences.

But a Tuesday game potentially screws up our scheduling a bit -- there aren't a lot of days between Sunday and Tuesday to fill those brackets out. Since no #16 seed has ever beaten a #1 seed in the history of the men's tournament, I'm not gonna worry about it too much. Brackets are still due Thursday. Pick whatever team you want between Lehigh and Florida A&M and then -- duh! -- pick them to lose to Kentucky. If you really think Kentucky will lose to one of the teams from the play-in game, by all means, note that on your bracket. If Kentucky does indeed lose -- even if you chose the wrong play-in team to beat them -- I'll go ahead and give you the points, and twenty-five bonus points, too, for being a genius.



DON'T WANT TO BE IN THE POOL?

Be in the Pool! It's fun!

But if you do decide you don't want to be in the Pool, this is the only email I'll send to this large prospective entrant list. After this, you will not receive Pool emails unless you actually enter.

Hope to hear from everyone soon!

xoxo
Dan


------------------------------------------

THE POOL EMAIL BRACKET

This should make sense, I think. There are 63 games, total -- don't forget to fill out every one!


NAME:_______________________________

EMAIL ADDRESS:________________________________

CITY/STATE:_____________________________

SCHOOL AFFILIATION, if any:_______________________________


ST. LOUIS REGIONAL

Round one:

A1 1 KENTUCKY VS. 16 LEHIGH or FLORIDA A&M

A2 8 WASHINGTON VS. 9 UAB

A3 5 PROVIDENCE VS. 12 PACIFIC

A4 4 KANSAS VS. 13 ILLINOIS-CHICAGO

A5 6 BOSTON COLLEGE VS. 11 UTAH

A6 3 GEORGIA TECH VS. 14 NORTHERN IOWA

A7 7 MICHIGAN STATE VS. 10 NEVADA

A8 2 GONZAGA VS. 15 VALPARAISO

---

Round two:

A21 WINNER OF A1 VS. WINNER OF A2

A22 A3-A4

A23 A5-A6

A24 A7-A8

---

Round three:

A31 A21-A22

A32 A23-A24

---

St. Louis regional champion (Final Four team):




-----------------------

EAST RUTHERFORD REGIONAL

Round one:


B1 1 ST. JOSEPH'S VS. 16 LIBERTY

B2 8 TEXAS TECH VS. 9 CHARLOTTE

B3 5 FLORIDA VS. 12 MANHATTAN

B4 4 WAKE FOREST VS. 13 VCU

B5 6 WISCONSIN VS. 11 RICHMOND

B6 3 PITTSBURGH VS. 14 CENTRAL FLORIDA

B7 7 MEMPHIS VS. 10 SOUTH CAROLINA

B8 2 OKLAHOMA STATE VS. 15 EASTERN WASHINGTON



---

Round two:

B21 WINNER OF B1 VS. WINNER OF B2

B22 B3-B4

B23 B5-B6

B24 B7-B8

---

Round three:

B31 B21-B22

B32 B23-B24

---

East Rutherford regional champion (Final Four team):






-----------------------



ATLANTA REGIONAL

Round one:


C1 1 DUKE VS. 16 ALABAMA STATE

C2 8 SETON HALL VS. 9 ARIZONA

C3 5 ILLINOIS VS. 12 MURRAY STATE

C4 4 CINCINNATI VS. 13 EASTERN TENNESSEE STATE

C5 6 NORTH CAROLINA VS. 11 AIR FORCE

C6 3 TEXAS VS. 14 PRINCETON

C7 7 XAVIER VS. 10 LOUISVILLE

C8 2 MISSISSIPPI STATE VS. 15 MONMOUTH



---

Round two:

C21 WINNER OF C1 VS. WINNER OF C2

C22 C3-C4

C23 C5-C6

C24 C7-C8

---

Round three:

C31 C21-C22

C32 C23-C24

---

Atlanta regional champion (Final Four team):




-----------------------


PHOENIX REGIONAL

Round one:

D1 1 STANFORD VS. 16 TEXAS-SAN ANTONIO

D2 8 ALABAMA VS. 9 SOUTHERN ILLINOIS

D3 5 SYRACUSE VS. 12 BYU

D4 4 MARYLAND VS. 13 UTEP

D5 6 VANDERBILT VS. 11 WESTERN MICHIGAN

D6 3 NC STATE VS. 14 LOUISIANA-LAFAYETTE

D7 7 DEPAUL VS. 10 DAYTON

D8 2 CONNECTICUT VS. 15 VERMONT


---

Round two:

D21 WINNER OF D1 VS. WINNER OF D2

D22 D3-D4

D23 D5-D6

D24 D7-D8

---

Round three:

D31 D21-D22

D32 D23-D24

---

Phoenix regional champion (Final Four team):





-----------------------


FINAL FOUR

St. Louis champ vs. East Rutherford champ:



Atlanta champ vs. Phoenix champ:



NCAA Champion: