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Kit's Alter Ego
February 8, 2004, 11:28 PM
Because I was told people couldn't hear some lyrics due to it being funny and thus having the audience laugh, here are the words to the song parody I wrote for the February 7, 2004 Inside Improv.

"The Weather, It's Wetter"
(new lyrics by Kit FitzSimons, performed as Meteorologist Shaquille Heera)

(To the tune of Shakira's "Whenever, Wherever")

Lucky you decided to tune in 'cause
There's a storm on the horizon.
Lucky that I listen to the anchors
So that I would know when I was on.
Up in the Northeast, there's clouds aflowing
They're cumulus just like soft bedding.
And I know which way the wind is blowing
There's no question where it's heading.

Le lo le le lo le ...Lay low: today it's frozen rain.
I repeat:
We're in for slee-eet!

The weather, it's wetter
Hey, baby, better wear a sweater.
Don't you know it's like God's tears
Down from the atmosphere.
The lightning, and thunder:
Meteorologists have blundered.
They said, "Balmy, sunny skies"
But don't believe those lies.

This will make the third snowfall this winter,
For those people who are countin'
Here's the latest from our weather center
"In the Appalachians, there are mountains."
And now, if this storm has got you worried
About disasters past supposing,
Turn on this station bright and early
For a complete list of school closings.

Low low low low low low, low low low low low pressure zone
Now at last...
Extended forecast!

Saturday, and Sunday
Are partly cloudy, then on Monday
Scattered showers sweep the state...
(Doesn't my tie look great?)
Through Thursd-y, or Friday
There'll be lows in the thirties, I'd say.
We'll just have to play by ear.
And that's the week 'round here.

< drop to hands and knees and crawl >

Le lo le le lo le, Le lo le le lo le lo le
When it melts
Play in the mu-ud!
Le do le le lo le lo le
Let me show you my-y
Diploma
Earned at DeVries!

<pull off sweater to reveal wifebeater>

The weather, it's wetter.
Hey, baby, better wear a sweater.
Don't you know it's like God's tears
Down from the atmosphere.
The lightning, and thunder:
Don't get too wo-orried, my dears.
This storm is no big deal;
Twenty inches is the max, I feel.

The weather, it's wetter.
Hey, baby, better wear a sweater.
Don't you know it's like God's tears
Down from the atmosphere.
The lightning, and thunder:
Better put chai-ains on your wheels!
There's nothing left to hear
Thank you for listening toooo myyy schpiel!

< bell-dance until end of song >

--Kit

Kit's Alter Ego
February 8, 2004, 11:49 PM
And additionally, one young man asked me what some of the flip chart pages said, as they'd gone by too fast. The following are titled with the line they were first seen in conjunction with.

PAGE 1, intro before song's started:
DSI News at 11
Meteorologist Extraordinaire
SHAQ
HEERA
Just in case...he covers all the bases.


PAGE 2, there's no question where they're heading:
< picture of stormclouds heading right for a big X that says, "You are here." >


PAGE 3, meteorologists have blundered:
Weathermen like
AL ROKER
say
"Break out the old sun-tan lotion!" :)

< the last line is on a page that rips off to reveal the words: >
DUMB THINGS


PAGE 4, here's the latest from our weather center:
Boone Weather Center Reports:
"In the Appalachians...

< blank sheet rips off to reveal words: >
...There are mountains."


PAGE 5, disasters past supposing:
El Nino!
Power Outages!
Avalanches!
Volcanic Eruptions!


PAGE 6, for a complete list of school closings:
Monday Classes Cancelled:
*Chapel Hill-Carrboro
*UNC-CH
*home-schooled kids

2-Hour Delay:
*Uphill-Bothways Elementary
*God


PAGE 7, extended forecast:
< saturday through monday, with weather symbols and temperature lows matching the in-song decriptions >


Extra Page, Diploma earned at DeVries:
This paper is a
Certificate of Graduation
from the distinguished learning facility popularly known as
THE DEVRIES
INSTITUTE
presented to Shaquille D.D. Heera on February 7, 1982
Signed: DeVries President


PAGE 8, this storm is no big deal:
Expect no more than
20 inches
< image of snowflake >
of snow.


PAGE 9, better put chains on your wheels:
< picture of tire >
< Rachel held up her gold-chain belt in front of it >


--Kit

PS: While chatting online, the question of why the hell I was posting these was posed. My answer was: "Why the hell not? This is what Area 27514's all about. And besides, I forgot to put it in my journal."

PT
February 9, 2004, 01:08 AM
Kit u are the best!

EthanK
February 9, 2004, 07:30 AM
This was the perfect thing to post in this forum and in all hoensty, it was one of the most original, funny things I've seen in a long time.

Zach
February 9, 2004, 09:26 AM
I have heard about this show stealing performance four times since Sunday morning.

Happy Belated Birthday, Kit.

Towel!!!

EthanK
February 9, 2004, 11:01 AM
Photographs were taken. They will be posted here soon.

KosherPickle
February 14, 2004, 05:05 PM
Definitely...mrow.