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Kit's Alter Ego
September 28, 2003, 05:32 PM
The Annual 24:LIVE was this past Friday-Saturday (09/26-27/2003)
Hmph. As if you didn't know that already.

A lot of people stayed in the building for the entire time. Not so many actually stayed awake for all 24 hours, by which I mean both performers and audience members apparently craved sanity at one point or another. Not me! (Author's Note: Yeah. Watch me brag. Still, there were a small host of improvisers who also were present and conscious non-stop, so it's not like I'm saying anything singular.) Who needs sanity in the face of this beautiful display of service to the community?

(Author's Note: This 24:LIVE was a benefit for the Women's Center of Chapel Hill. See? It's for a good cause and everything!)

So, I stayed awake for the whole time, only leaving the room for three things, two of which were 45-second physical necessities, and the third was to help man the ticket desk for the last four hours. Being the multitasker that I am, I still leaned my head in the door during lulls to keep up with current events onstage.

I opened up my backpack at 10PM Friday (start-time) and found that I'd brought along a notebook completely by accident. Not one to let signs like this go to waste, I filled 5 pages of it, front and back, with "Golden Moments," lines that just begged to be immortalized in the minds of improvisers everywhere.

(Author's Note: This intro is a lot longer than I planned it would be. Enh.)

And here they are, The...

Golden Moments From 24:LIVE 2003!
WARNING: Uncensored. May be inappropriate for your parents to read.

"I know that for a semi-fact. Actually, I know that for a full-on fact." --Zach Ward

"There's the guy I want to get 2nd place to; that's why I'm not training as hard as him." --Ryan Locante

"Is this going to be like the time you stole my Wayne Gretzky autographed hockey puck with the black ink?" --Zack Bly

"Oh, you want to have a dissing contest?! All right: your blank is so blank that fill in the blank. You provide the blanks, I'll provide the dis." --Zach Ward

"(snoring)" --Lyda Kendrick, as a grandmother who's only narcoleptic around people she doesn't like
"Now look, Peter, you've got your grandmother not liking you." --Tim Matson
Lyda, to Tim: "I don't like you, you son of a bitch!"

"Something just came out of my vagina!" --Ross White

"We'll keep it short but sweet: 'Wolf.' 'Little-hyphen-thing.' 'Baby.'" --Andrew Dunkle

"You're confusing the metaphor; you're supposed to get it on..with a wooooolf!" --Ross White

CeCe Garcia, as a novelist with a familiar speech impediment:
"Beavehws on Ice, by Me. I wived in Awaska. Awaska was a gweat pwace to wive. It was weawwy cohwd..."

"You wanna take me to Sharper Image so we can look at stupid things and upset me!" --Ryan Locante

"I refuse to stop." --Zach Ward
"...Is that a pun?" --Ross White

FISTNOUNO --Ross White's Taiwanese Red Bull t-shirt

"Hold on, let me tell him: ...Your nose looks like a fucking pelican!" --Heather Simms

"Pablo? Absent. Absently muertos." --David Harris

"Well, we once almost stopped an execution!" --Zack Bly
"Was it zis one? Because you haven't." --Heather Simms

"It's locusts. Locusts aren't cute; I want shrews." --Ross White

"I majored in Poli-Sci and History. I didn't like the 'Sci' part." --Scott Jennings

"All right...So. So I apologize...for doing Yoda." --Zach Ward

"R. E. S. P. E. C. T." --Zack Bly's throat-cancer voicebox

"Hey, learn about given circumstances, you fucker!" --Lyda Kendrick

"But all I had to pay him with was lentils. And rats." --Lyda Kendrick

" 'Here's what we do'? ...That sounds like the start of a nefarious plan!" --Zach Ward

"What if I come home wanting a taste in my mouth?" --Pablo Vega

"You know, they tell a bit of a story to my ma. She wasn't really conscious when I was born. They say...they say that I popped out, turned a somersault and landed on the hospital floor...Then I took it and spun it around my head, and I lassoed me a nurse, and I said to her, 'Baby, how's about you and me goin' for a drink?' ...That's a bit of a wives' tale." --Thomas Whittington

"I don't know what I'm talking about. I'd be in the middle of the ocean if it were 5:30!" --Zach Ward

'Dead. Spider' by Venom (AKA Zach Ward):
Little Miss Muffett
Sat on a tuffet.
Go find that spider and stuff it.

"Um. I think we've found our beam-luber." --Tim Matson

"Hear ye. Hear ye. At 4:30. There will be nude steam bathing. In the atrium." --Thomas Whittington

From an Elimination Rap:
"But then I said to him, 'Uh uh'." --Thomas Whittington
"...I wasn't gonna show him my cun... What?!" --Zack Bly

"I feer rike something is long hele." --Tim Matson, in the style of Chinese horror

"You know, this brown egg is gonna hatch into a real live chicken. Then I'm gonna get some sex!" --Corey Brown

"Don't...punch a dead horse while it's down." --Zack Bly

"So, guys, I was thinking. We should start calling the kitchen 'The Kit.'" --Ryan Locante

"Winkle While You Work?" --Zack Bly, of Dan Winkler's possible nicknames

"I didn't tell you, Albert, because you're not important to me." --Diana Chang

"All right, if I am an insect, then I have a hard...thorax." --Zach Ward

"Aww, it's just spam; I don't need a bigger dick!" --Corey Brown

"You're being the biggest baby about this Deathburger." --Heather Simms

Scott Jennings counting off on his fingers: "I" "Forgot" "How" "Many" "Words" "I'm" "Supposed" "To" "Use."
(Transcriber's Note: The answer was 3.)

"Remember back when I said it was your show? I take it back." --Zach Ward to Scott Jennings

"I'm a freaking Home Ec factory!" --Lyda Kendrick

"Yes, yes, feel the need to have babies that may have messed-up chromosomes." --CeCe Garcia

"We don't control the Kleenex. If we did, we'd be CEOs" --Corey Brown
"And we'd change the name to 'Tissues'...with an X in it." --Ryan Locante

"My mother wanted me to be vegan. I went against the family; now I rob banks." --Zach Ward

"I rearranged the state magnets. Now America looks like Italy, see?" --Ryan Locante
"Oh, yeah. It's a boot. With a V-tip." --Austin Nava

"185 investment bankers go into a bar. And the bartender says...Oh, and this bar is in New England. In the early 1600s." --Zach Ward

"I don't know if I should pick up the baby or answer the door." --Heather Simms
"Get the door; I'll hit the baby to make him stop crying." --Zach Ward

"That's right, Hookman, Butlerarm, Sardiniboy...it is hard." --Lyda Kendrick

"Let's poison the pie! Who needs hobos?" --Dan Winkler

"It couldn't be helped! I shouldn't have fallen on your chest." --Heather Simms

"Here's your bobblemutzer." --Miranda Klein
"Oh. it's my bobblemutzer." --Zach Ward
"Do you know what it is?" --Miranda
"I know what I want it to be..." --Zach

"I mean, with this scar running across my face, I'm not the best looker in the drawer." --Zack Bly

"Well, I see you've told our son that drama's okay and not totally gay!" --David Harris

"No! Awww no, we've done 'David Bowie' a Miriam of times... Myriad. Myriad." --David Harris

"Oh no! We must find him! From Kyoto to...our...capital." --CeCe Garcia, as a Japanese mother

"You call yourself a tree doctor? You're more like a tree architect!" --Steve (of The Idiot Box) (Transcriber's Note: I should've found out his last name. My apologies, to both him and the reader.)
"I prefer the term 'aspenologist.'" --Austin Nava

"I was in the closet trying to die, and the janitor mopped my face!" --Ross White

"Here we see the mythical stegosaurus." --Zack Bly

"I summon all the seraphim and cherubim and all the other Phims!" --Lyda Kendrick

"A body? I was looking at the rock!" --Austin Nava, gazing into a canyon
"Well, it kinda looks like a rock. In that it's mangled and all bloody. And probably full of ore." --Jesse Parren

"Cats. They eat what they kill. And they kill what they eat. ...Unless it's catfood." --Pete O'Brien

"You've become the designated sleep-wiper of the house!" --Ross White

Zach Ward, from offstage: "We have left Safe Show Mode. Please return immediately to Safe Show Mode."
Lyda Kendrick, returning to the scene: "Some of my best rocking has been in the back of my best friend's mom's van..."

"Nothing says 'Distress' like a singing telegram." --Zach Ward

"...Guys, she's so cute, I wanna pinch her." --Jesse Parren about Lyda Kendrick, in the Put-Down Rap-Off

"While we're all here together and I'm about to die, I just want to say that I really dislike your kids." <he dies> --Ryan Locante

"Left. Right. Left. Right.
Left-right-left-right
Ross-Ross White." --Jesse Parren and Corey Brown, rapping

"I'm Jerry, the district manager. I was just wondering if the manager here seemed to be listening to your concerns." --Greg Hohn
"...If your face was under my tire, I'd run it over." --Ryan Locante

"Oh. Now the syphilpox has infected my carpet." --Zach Ward

"Random bear." --Usually Pablo Vega or Corey Brown

"I'm Mufasa." --Zach Ward
"I'm Mu-slowa." --Austin Nava

Zach Ward to the audience, after Corey Brown, as King of Pants, dies from smacking himself in the head with his own genitals: "TIME OUT! TIME! OUT! ... ...Eeeeeeuuuuuuuuwwwwwwww!"

Heather Simms, while wine-stomping: "You know, I bet someday this will be a comedic skit."

-----------------------------
And that's it. Any misspelled names? That's what the Reply button is for! Any other Golden Moments that people wrote down? That's what the Play Forum is for! Any complaints that the above quotes weren't funny and/or memorable? That's what the zipper on your mouth is for!

--Kit, Unofficial DSIntern

(Author's Note: 'Intern,' is this context, refers to a person who aids in setup/clean-up, supports the performers, posts to the forum, and writes down quotes during 24:LIVE, but who is not actually a DSI performer himself (yet).)

PS: If my sister, Rachel, the one who sat next to me in the front row at 24:LIVE, posts duplicates of some of these quotes, it's not a bad thing; it just goes to show how memorable the moment was.

ryloc
September 28, 2003, 10:00 PM
this is awesome!

jesse's last name is parent.

Kit's Alter Ego
September 29, 2003, 05:25 PM
this is awesome!
jesse's last name is parent.

:oops: Well, this is marvelous. Not only was he the only other person there wearing a Strong Bad shirt, but then I coundn't remember his first name when he was going to play me in Family Dinner, and then I didn't get his last name right in the Golden Moments.

Evidently, I'm either extremely forgetful or else so passive aggressive that even i don't know about it.

--Kit

ryloc
September 30, 2003, 11:17 AM
i remember when lil g was doing his trogdor monologue, austin leaned over to me and said "is he talking with his penis?"

jesstah
September 30, 2003, 02:58 PM
:oops: Well, this is marvelous. Not only was he the only other person there wearing a Strong Bad shirt, but then I coundn't remember his first name when he was going to play me in Family Dinner, and then I didn't get his last name right in the Golden Moments.
That's what the Edit button is for ;)

Although I wish I knew the button to make the account I created as "jesster" actually work. Stupid phpBB! :evil:

-Jesster

Kit's Alter Ego
September 30, 2003, 03:11 PM
:oops: Well, this is marvelous. Not only was he the only other person there wearing a Strong Bad shirt, but then I coundn't remember his first name when he was going to play me in Family Dinner, and then I didn't get his last name right in the Golden Moments.
That's what the Edit button is for ;)
-Jesster

Changing it now would only make Ryan look silly.
I have too much respect for him to do that.

See? I do think of others!

--Kit FitzGibbons

PS: Oops. It's actually 'FitzSimons,' :? but what's done is done.

jesstah
September 30, 2003, 03:19 PM
Well, then... I appreciate my last name being left wrong to avoid some imagined slight against Ryan. Clearly I understand where the respect lies in *this* forum.

Oh, woe... :cry:

:wink:

-Jesster

Kit's Alter Ego
September 30, 2003, 03:36 PM
Well, then... I appreciate my last name being left wrong to avoid some imagined slight against Ryan. Clearly I understand where the respect lies in *this* forum.

It's not anything personal; I just had to choose one glabrescent man over the other and you... :roll: ...lost the coin toss.... :roll: ...And another.

--Kit

PS: It was heads both times.

CoreyBrown
September 30, 2003, 03:40 PM
http://chessy.novusopiate.com/ever.gif Kit!

Kit's Alter Ego
September 30, 2003, 03:41 PM
Hey! You would have won if it landed on edge!

--Kit

PS: :roll: ...Nope, still Ryan.

CoreyBrown
October 1, 2003, 09:02 AM
I think the golden moment for me was making out with Zack Ward.

Not because I've always wanted to (even though I have *wink*) but because it completely shocked the audience.

And kudos to Austin for pecking me as well.

L'il G
October 1, 2003, 07:07 PM
i remember when lil g was doing his trogdor monologue, austin leaned over to me and said "is he talking with his penis?"


The answer to that question is......

....YES.

(It goes back to my second time hosting Inside Improv, when I did a bit where the audience got to name my penis. That's when Trogdor the Burninator was born.)

The Dynamo
October 2, 2003, 01:51 AM
Hi everyone, this is Jeremy from The Other Side and I would just like to take an oppurtunity to thank everyone (especially Zach and Ross) for their enthusiasm and support for such a terriffic event. This past weekend was certainly an eye opener for myself and the rest of the troupe. I was simply amazed by the respect all of the participants had for one another, and the amount of professionalism that everyone exuded. We were delighted and honored to be a part of something so amazing, and I am glad to have met everyone and most importantly to have learned as much as I did; I believe I speak for our entire group when I say this. Thank you all so much for having us and sharing the stage, it was an honor and most of all a kick ass good time. Thanks again!

Jeremy & TOS

PS If anyone ever decides to come down to this neck of the woods, our shows are every Tuesday @ 9 & 11. Come check it out and you are all always more than welcome to get up and play.

CoreyBrown
October 2, 2003, 10:08 AM
You guys rock out hard! Get in touch with Zach and Ross more often and maybe you can come up and do some weekend shows with us for DSI in the future. I don't know how possible that is, but I would hope it is. DO IT UP!

Dana S
October 2, 2003, 03:35 PM
I second that. The Other Side was wicked awesome!

L'il G
October 2, 2003, 09:33 PM
Hi everyone, this is Jeremy from The Other Side and I would just like to take an oppurtunity to thank everyone (especially Zach and Ross) for their enthusiasm and support for such a terriffic event. This past weekend was certainly an eye opener for myself and the rest of the troupe. I was simply amazed by the respect all of the participants had for one another, and the amount of professionalism that everyone exuded. We were delighted and honored to be a part of something so amazing, and I am glad to have met everyone and most importantly to have learned as much as I did; I believe I speak for our entire group when I say this. Thank you all so much for having us and sharing the stage, it was an honor and most of all a kick ass good time. Thanks again!

Jeremy & TOS

PS If anyone ever decides to come down to this neck of the woods, our shows are every Tuesday @ 9 & 11. Come check it out and you are all always more than welcome to get up and play.

You guys were so fun to play with! If you had shows on Friday nights, then I would definitely make the trip to Wilmington to play with ya'll again. You guys rock!