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PT
January 17, 2004, 03:40 AM
PT'S Rating System:

DUECE: Never Again
NARLY: Likable Enough
DATE: Good enough to bring a date to.
COWABUNGA: One of a kind

*Forgive the length, never again will it be this long!*

Hey guys PT here, I watched “The Care Bears Movie” last night, mostly because I remember it from my childhood, but mostly so I could make fun of it! I haven’t seen this movie in like 12 years! So my POV for this movie has really changed. Yet anyways, here we go, my review for “The Care Bears Movie”.

The Movie starts with two Bears, “Friendship” Bear and “Secret Heart” Bear go to Earth. Friendship and Secret Heart meet two orphans, Jason and Kim and then kidnapped them to a cloud city of “Care A lot“. (BREAK INTO SONG) Meanwhile, this little Kid named Nicholas who lives in a Carnival makes a living by being an assistant to a fat mean Magician named Mr. Fettuccini. Nick stumbles upon an ancient magic book! Nick wishes for “Somebody to like him”, the book hears him and tells him that he can win friends, with magic! This is another orphan kid, blonde hair, blue eyes and nobody likes him….. Okay! The book tells him that he can earn more friends by casting spells on them! Not with magic magic, but real magic! The books written in Hebrew too, just to let you know! But still I’m saying to myself, “I don’t know”. Nick unlocks the book with a Key, he makes Mr. Fettuccini fall asleep. Finally “Tender Heart” shows up and steals the Key to the book! “Magic isn’t the way to earn friends, showing them your feelings are!”, Tender Heart says after Nick is brainwashed by the book. So basically the theme of this movie is, Magic is Evil and Love is Good. Tender Heart runs back to Care A Lot. Nick puts on a show and makes some kids laugh. They laugh at him because he sucks, the book tells him “To teach them a lesson”. He casts a spell, and makes all the kids mean and evil and start to fight. Nick turns into a tornado (For some Reason). Jason and Kim meanwhile are enjoying the cloud city of Care A Lot. “Grumpy Bear” makes a machine “The Rainbow Rescue Beam” that can transport any Care Bear to any where in the world! Tender Heart returns to Care A lot and Care A Lot breaks apart! The city is broken! The “Care O Meter” goes down TWO FREAKIN POINTS!! Its all because of Nick and his evil magic! The dilemma is that when the Care o Meter falls to Zero, the city will be gone! Tender Heart gives Jason the magic Key. Jason and Kim find some Parents with help from the CB’s. Kim says, “Did you hear that Jason? Parents!” Jason says, “Yeah, I thought we’d never have parents!” Yet they decide to screw their new parents and help the CB’s to help Nick, so that Care A lot doesn’t fall apart! In all of the world, supposedly one kid falls to evil and everything is screwed! Nick continues to cast spells on people to make them evil. Thus the Care O Meter goes down and Care A lot turns into Purgatory! Jason and Kim and Friend Ship and Secret Heart get transported to somewhere into the middle of Earth and Care A lot…… so another dimension. They end up in a strange new land called “The Forest of Feelings”! This is where they meet the awesomely kick ass Lion named “Brave Heart” Lion and a monkey named “Playful Heart”. The first thing Jason says when he sees the monkey is, “Wow, the monkey can talk!” So I’m confused, have they not been around 3 foot tall multi colored bears who can talk for the entire movie? Brave Heart makes a nice evolutionary line when Playful Heart asks the kids of what they are! Brave Heart says their monkeys because and I qoute “Well they were up in the trees!” (Because Jason and Kim fell into the trees when they first landed). BREAK INTO A SONG. During the song, they go around a maypole…….. okay! Back on Care A Lot, some of the Care Bears go on a ship down a river, Grumpy Bear and “Lucky Heart” Bear stay behind to fix the Rainbow Rescue Beam! The bears go down a river that they’ve never been on before, to go to Earth to stop the evil Magic! Nick has now put a spell on everyone in town, he discovers that Jason and Kim have not been affected. Nick sends a dark cloud out to get Kim and Jason, but opps! The book doesn’t understand and sends a cloud to cast everyone on Earth under an evil spell and to kill those bears! Back on the ship, the Bears meet a penguin in a river named “Cozy Heart”. The cloud finds the ship instead of the kids and then the cloud turns into a fish that makes a whirl pool and nearly kills everyone! Then soon they meet an Elephant who has a lot of strength called “Lotsa Heart” Elephant, who says, “I’m not big, but it’s amazing what you can do when you put your heart into it!” Back on Care A lot, Grumpy Bear tries to fix the transporter. Back in The Jungle of Feelings the cloud finds the Kids and turns into a Tree and almost eats them! A rabbit named “Swift Heart” saves them, this rabbit is awesome, he’s as fast as The Flash! Back on the ship, The Bears go into a cave and meet a raccoon named “Bright Heart”. The ship almost goes over a waterfall anyways, back in the Forest, the damn cloud turns into a bird and traps Jason and Kim, the bears try to do a “Care Bear Stare“! But it’s not enough, because there are only two of them, then the Ship arrives and all the Care Bears form together and destroy the cloud!! YAY!! Good excuse to break into a song right? Right! (BREAK INTO SONG) During the Song, Brave Heart calls on everyone from the Jungle to help out in destroying the magic! Meanwhile, Nick gets scared because the bears are coming! The book tells Nick that everyone must be punished! The Carnival has now turned into Hell, because of Magic. The Bears and all arrive to the Carnival! Tender Heart tells Jason that without the Key that he gave him, they all cannot win! (BREAK INTO SONG) Jason and Kim run into Nick, Nick chases them into a fun house. The Bears help J and K and almost kill Nick! Yet Nick can’t be so easily killed, he uses magic now! He can throw fire from his fingers! Nick finds out that there are too many Bears and goes back to the book to cast a final spell that will turn the world into a world, that will not love! Back on Care A Lot, Grumpy Bear still tries to fix the Rainbow Rescue Beam! Care A Lot is now resembling that of a Crack House! Nick casts the last spell, and it works! The Bears know that there is only one way to defeat this evil, with the Care Bear Stare!! The Spell has now cast everyone evil, except for Kim and Jason. Nick tries to find J and K, and now he looks like the girl from The Exorcist! He rises out of a Mini Golf Castle and slowly says, “Where are they!!!” Grumpy Bear arrives to the Carnival, the Rainbow Rescue Beam works!! With all of the Care Bears together, they try The Stare one more time! It’s not enough though! The Animals from the Jungle join in and they all ban together, but it’s still not enough! NOT ENOUGH LOVE! Jason and Kim show up and tell Nick that they want to be friends! Nick listens and wants to be friends again! YAY! NICK IS BACK! He tries to close the book, but it won’t lock, not without a Key! Jason takes out the Key and locks it tight! YAY! The Evil Magic has been defeated! The Spell is broken, the world is full of love again and Care A Lot is back to normal! Mr. Fettuccini wakes from his spell and makes Nick a partner in the show! YAY! Nick as learned his lesson and realizes that the best way to make friends, is to be a friend first! Back on Care A Lot, the Bears make the animals a part of the group and give them powers of love! YAY! (BREAK INTO SONG) Back on Earth, Jason and Kim found their parents and Kim looks at Jason and says, “Hey Jason, aren’t parents great!!” Jason looks back and says, “Yeah, they sure are!” YAY! Everyone’s happy and the world is back to normal, thanks to the Care Bear Family! The lesson I‘ve learned from all of this is that, if ever your depressed and want to make a lot of money! Smoke a lot of weed and then come up with these characters. I love the Care Bears though, they helped me from hard times when I was 5 or 6, I can‘t remember what problems I had, but I do remember that my mother took me to The Care Bears Movie in the theatre……and that‘s about it.
I give this movie a “DEUCE”. For like the Care Bears say, “Yes it’s great to be, in that Care Bear Family! And I’m proud to see, that your standing here with me!”

Kit's Alter Ego
January 17, 2004, 08:16 AM
Speaking of movie reviews, getting high, real magic and very weird stares, here's my review (http://nique.net/master.php3?issue=2000-11-03&story=30) of Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0229260/), from way back in November, 2000.

--Kit

PS: I love the depth of realism they went for with the character-actor connections:
Kim Director .... Kim Diamond
Jeffrey Donovan .... Jeffrey Patterson
Erica Leerhsen .... Erica Geerson
Tristine Skyler .... Tristen Ryler (as Tristen Skyler)
Stephen Barker Turner .... Stephen Ryan Parker

PT
January 17, 2004, 03:09 PM
Did I forget to mention that Mickey Rooney was in this film!